But Megan had house, car, husband, children, money, job, antidepressants – and she still wasn’t happy. So, she went looking for another person to make her happy.

The problem is that as long as Megan and Jim believe that something external will make them happy, they will be unhappy, and they will keep looking for another person, better sex, a bigger house, and so on to make them happy.

Infidelity generally comes from same inner emptiness as does alcohol and drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, spending, shopping, and so on. In case of infidelity, addiction is to attention, approval or sex – using another person to fill inner emptiness and take away inner aloneness. Rather than end relationship, taking their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship, Megan and Jim have opportunity to do some inner healing work.

Megan and Jim decided that it was worth trying to save their marriage. They came to one of our Inner Bonding Couples Intensives and learned about all ways they were making other person responsible for their well-being and happiness. They learned powerful Inner Bonding process for taking responsibility for their own feelings and for connecting with an ever-present source of love and wisdom to help them learn to love themselves. They discovered that they had no love to share with each other until they learned how to fill themselves with love and to be loving to themselves. They learned:

* To stay focused inward, on their own feelings and behavior, rather than have their eyes on other’s plate.

* That their intention is most powerful thing they have, and that they are either in intent to protect against pain or intent to learn in any given moment. They discovered that intent to learn about themselves and each other creates intimacy while intent to protect against being hurt creates distance.

* To explore their own fears and beliefs rather than keep trying to get other to change.

* How to connect with their personal source of inner/spiritual guidance to help them know loving action toward themselves and with each other and they learned to take loving action for themselves rather than try to get other to take care of them.

By being willing to do their inner work and learn how to take emotional responsibility for themselves, Megan and Jim were able to create a much more intimate and fulfilling relationship. The affairs, rather than ending their relationship, led to creating a whole new and satisfying relationship. At this point, neither Megan nor Jim has any desire to have an affair.

d) Am I staying in a relationship with someone who isn’t capable of taking our relationship to next level? Sometimes people stay in dead-end relationships because something is better than nothing. This is a big mistake. Because you are so set on being “IN” a relationship, you ignore big problems. Look for more information on this subject in an upcoming article.

e) Do I know how to find and meet new people? If you want to be in a relationship, you are going to have to be a good salesperson. You are marketing yourself. The better you are at marketing yourself, better chance you have of finding someone with whom you can share rest of your life. Don’t expect God to drop someone in your lap.

Marketing yourself DOES NOT mean making things up about yourself to fit what you think others want to see! If you don’t market REAL you, your relationships will most likely be dead before they ever really get started. There’s more to come on “Methods to Marketing Yourself” in another article that you’ll be seeing soon.

So, are you ready or not? Consider your answers to previous questions. If you are ready, move forward with confidence and a belief that you can create a successful long-term relationship. Successful daters are confident in themselves. They aren’t too confident, but they send a message to others that they believe in themselves.

If you aren’t ready, that is okay. Take your time and get yourself ready. Whatever you do, don’t date someone or lead him or her on if you aren’t ready for a commitment. When you are ready to be in a relationship, you will be more comfortable with yourself and your ability to succeed in relationships.

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