I learned that from a famous psychologist. If you did something he liked, psychologist would tell you what a smart person you are. If you did something he didn't like, he would simply sit quietly. After a while you only did things he liked, things you got complimented for.

If person does almost all job right, but misses a few things, let him know about it nicely. Use Oreo cookie method. First tell him what he did right, then mention few things that need to be corrected, then leave by again telling him how he is doing a good job.

Step three. Group things together for people. Before my kids leave for school I say "Don't forget to make your bed, take your lunch with you, and mow grass when you get home." Batch together a few changes or tasks when you see people that work for you. It works better than shooting isolated orders to them one at a time. It is easier for people to stay organized.

Step four. Finally, make your harassing fun. Nobody likes to do a job that is boring or, worse, makes them feel bad. Keep a smile on your face and a light tone in your voice. When something goes really wrong, change your tone so people understand this is more serious.

Try to keep those two tones separate so people don't get confused.

Work on being woman or man who keeps things fun while all important details are getting taken care of. At end of day, that is what separates so-so managers from those who can turn out a fine product or service and keep loads of happy customers coming back.

Why did you have a bad day? ___ A) Did coffee cause it? B) Did your daughter cause it? C) Did Policeman cause it? D) Did you cause it?

The answer is d. You had no control over what happened with coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say "It's OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time look through window and see your child getting on bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet staff. Your boss comments on how good of day you are having.

Notice difference. Two different scenarios. Both started same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% is determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply 90/10 secret.

=> If someone says something negative about you, do not be sponge. Let attack roll off like water on glass. You do have to let negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out, etc.

=> How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you loose your temper? Pound steering wheel? (A friend of mine had steering wheel fall off!) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let blue car ruin your drive. Remember 90-10 principle, and do not worry about it!

=> You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep or get irritated? It will work out. Use your "worrying" energy and time into finding another job.

=> The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for day. Why take out your frustration on flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know other passenger, etc. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

You now know 90-10 secret. Apply it and you will be amazed at results.