But, then comes marketing. Biggest pain in the... Well, let's just say it makes me want to not publish sometimes. So, why publish?

I've entered EPPIES twice, and been a finalist both times. Off top of my head, I can think of no other ebook award that gets my attention. The second time one of my books was an EPPIE finalist, I made some wisecrack in an author's egroup about how "finalist" is a synonym for "loser" and was raked over coals.

Oops!

(Maybe I annoyed entrants who weren't finalists. I'd always wondered if they existed...)

So, let's say I'm not publishing for money or awards. They sing a siren song to new authors which this jaded old bastard quit hearing long ago. Really, I got all that mess out of my system in previous millenium. So, why do I still publish? What are my rewards? Let me mention a few.

A psychologist turned English teacher formed a women's reading group at university where we once worked together in China. Her concept was women readers, women writers. But first book group ever discussed was my very own RISING FROM THE ASHES, which is about Mom. My only foray into "women's literature." I couldn't attend reading group, since I'm a guy, but my wife was there. What I learned about my book is priceless, as is knowing what those young students discussed because of my writing. Issues of such depth that I'd be proud to inspire any student, in any country, in any language, to tackle them.

I used to work on North Carolina hog farms. I enjoyed company of some damn fine people at every one of them. Hog farming is hard work. This isn't backyard family farm, folks, this is 13 people with 98 boars, 3500 sows, and all babies they can make. One of my toughest coworkers was a lesbian who could break Xena in half, and my one foray into writing horror gave her nightmares.

I don't consider myself a poet, and I believe most of reading world agrees with me. But, I have published 6 poems. There is one that a hog farm coworker insists will be read at his funeral. Don't ask me why he was planning his funeral during our lunch break because I have no idea. But, well, I guess I'm invited, in a manner of speaking. Back when I was young enough to plan my own funeral, it involved a friend playing Elton John's FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND. So, compared to Sir Elton John, I know a guy who would prefer that somebody read MY poetry. Freaky.

Master Pizza, 30th Street, Tampa, Florida. A bunch of drunken Italian relatives reading one of my less-than-serious poems ALOUD between pitchers of beer. It was like a Joe Dolce moment.

I was working as a security guard in a particularly unpleasant place. This was 17 years ago, I think. A fellow guard read one of my short stories. It is, by far, most allegorical thing I've ever written. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about throwing it out. But then, I remember Bob's words. "This is me. This is my life." Me too, old pal, and I don't care if you and I are only two readers to have any idea what I'm talking about. {Scapegoat Bob!}

I've written some pretty heady volumes, but I've also written quite a few short works. I've heard from numerous students here in China that, "This is first book in English I've ever finished reading." When I write, I certainly never set out to help anyone learn English. (Some of my editors may claim I never learned language.) And, students will LIE to teachers. But I've decided that at least one was telling truth.

When I left US, I embarked on several journeys. Learning to live in China. Learning to love again. Taking another shot at writer dream. And, eventually, teaching. After all that, I tried my hand at writing humor for first time. Every time I hear my wife laugh at something I've written, I file it away as a reason to keep writing.

I've written one play in my life. I was young, and quite hooked on album (pre-CD days) JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR. So, you guessed it, I tackled JC. I wrote something that nobody can read without having a powerful reaction. Readers love it or they hate it. I'm proud of that. And hey, it's only one act long. I have a short attention span.

I loaned Clint "Two Dawgs" Hill my very first book. My cousin. He took it to Durham (North Carolina) and loaned it to a bunch of hippie buddies. He asked for another, because first one fell apart from overuse. That's why we publish. People all but fighting for chance to read my words. And heck, book wasn't even good yet. It's 20 years older now.

I mention all this for jaded old bastards who have a few novels and bit of minor success under their belts. Nobody else is reading this anymore, are they?

So, maybe this is why we don't just stop when book is written, stick it in a drawer, and uncork champagne. Although I do hope you uncorked champagne. This planet contains far too many people who "want to be authors" but who haven't written a book. Never have, never will. Meanwhile, you and I are sitting here knowing we had no choice. We had to write.

And now, I guess it's time to publish. WHO MOVED MY RICE? is available from Books Unbound.

Michael LaRocca's website at http://freereads.topcities.com was chosen by WRITER'S DIGEST as one of The 101 Best Websites For Writers in 2001 and 2002. He published four novels in 2002 and another in 2004. He also works as an editor for an e-publisher. He teaches English at a university in Shaoxing, Zhejiang Province, China, and publishes the free weekly newsletter Mad About Books.

6. Do some things where you make extra connections with audience. Just don’t sit behind table. Stand up, shake hands -- no limp ones either, and look them directly in eyes when you ask them, "Who would you like me make this out to?" Ask if they would like another book made out to someone else?

Here’s a SECRET tip. It makes a BIG connection. The Japanese do this all time. Put down pen. When you hand over book, hold it cover up facing them with both hands, present it to them slowly, purposely, as if it’s worth a million dollars and a very special gift. Look deep into their eyes at same time (okay this part is different than Japanese), and say silently in your heart and in your voice, "Thank you." Watch them light up. Of course, smile.

7. As mentioned earlier, audiences come with a hidden agenda -- to have a good time. To enjoy themselves. Create that space of joy and lightness for them. Don’t think you don’t have any control. The store wants you to succeed. Share with them what type of experience you want audience to have. Ask for recommendations, ask for things that haven’t been done before too. Give inspiration in language, in thoughts, and in stories. Stories that pulls heart strings. If there isn’t one in book, find one.

8. There is nothing wrong with giving away a trinket, toy, item, that comes from one of characters. Or even it isn’t directly and just somewhat related. You don’t need to spend lots of money on promotional items. Think. This might require approval by host store. You will usually find that as long as it usually doesn’t cost them anything and it increases book sales, they will encourage it. Give a gift if they buy two or three copies. Find a unique magnet, or something funny, something that doesn’t cost much but it just ads to incentive to buy more than one. Sometimes book store is returning something and can give you a remainder sale price. Ask.

9. You can’t say thank you too many times. Remember to smile, say thank you, and be there with a loving and open heart. This creates an attractive energy and pulls people towards you.

10. Share tidbits about how idea of book came to you. Did you write 15 minutes a day, a certain word count? Did you get help from others, who? Did you struggle with some part or something? Was there someone there for you that inspired your journey? Please not spouse comment all time. To singles this is boring and people said a turnoff. Share tidbits about your childhood. There is a child in all of us. Share your childhood with your audience. Especially funny screw-ups.

Well, I hope you enjoyed learning what audiences want at book signings. This process was definitely an eye-opener for me. It gave me a real taste of people and their expectations. Maybe another future survey would be to get people to tell me why are they leaving early.

© Copyright 2004, Catherine Franz. All rights reserved.