I have discovered that whenever I do not set good limits against being treated badly - such as disengaging from interaction and stating that I don't want to talk when there is anger or blame - or I respond with anger or blame to another's anger or blame, I feel awful. It is so easy to think I feel awful because of how I have been treated by other person rather than because of how I am treating myself and others. When my Adult is present and I respond to another's anger, blame or other violating behavior by either moving into an intent to learn and/or setting an appropriate limit without anger, shaming or blaming, I feel terrific. In fact, I feel on top of world. It has been deeply gratifying to me to know that my feelings are always my responsibility because then I can do something about feeling badly -- I can practice responding lovingly no matter what.

On one of my morning walks while dialoguing with my spiritual Guidance, she told me that one of my soul's lessons is to learn to respond lovingly no matter what -- no conditions under which it is okay to respond unlovingly. I find this very challenging. As soon as I get it right in one situation, my Guidance arranges for me to be challenged by new situations. This appears to be way our souls grow when we have opted for spiritual growth. However, we are never given more than we can handle, and each time I manage to respond lovingly in a new situation, my Inner Child feels more and more loved, safe, and valued.

It is so easy to revert to our wounded self and claim that this time my feelings are not my responsibility. This time it really is other person's fault. This time they have gone too far and no one could expect me to feel okay in this situation. But each time I manage to keep my Adult present and take good care of my Inner Child, lesson hits home anew -- all my feelings really are my responsibility.

For most of us, it is not practical to uproot and move to a small town. Therefore, for our own peace of mind, we need to find a sense of belonging in another way.

A great way to feel a part of your population and not so alone is to be apart of community. Get involved by doing some type of voluntary work. You could help out by reading to elderly in nursing homes or donating your time to your favorite charity or sporting club. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people, build your self-esteem and get back in touch with that feeling of being an important part of your neighborhood. To find out volunteering opportunities in your area try searching on internet or contact your local council, they will know how to put you in touch with.

On a more esoteric level you can work with your base charka. An energized Base chakra can give us feeling of connection and belonging that we carve. The Base chakra is our connection to earth and every other living being, it is our connection to oneness. (To find out more about charkas go to http://www.exaltedliving.com/charkas.htm )

To develop a sense of belonging, go and find yourself a piece of grass to sit on. Then feel or visualize your Base charka (which comes out and down from root of your spine) going down connecting you strongly to earth. If your focus is strong, you will feel a connection with all of life that is around you. If you practice this exercise over a period of time you will start to know that you are connected to all life and that you are in fact all life. You will know oneness. In this state you will know that there cannot be a thing called loneliness, how could there be when all is one.