"Now as an adult, I long for honest, expressive relationships with co-workers and employers-and playful, truthful relationships with friends and lovers. But my own unconscious behavior sabotages openness and intimacy I so deeply desire. I try to get people to talk about themselves without revealing anything about myself. I pretend to not know information that I do know. And I look for attention and love from other people by getting sick and playing helpless and spacey."

The Ex-Flower Child

"At first my new job delivering flowers was right up my alley. I enjoyed time driving gave me to be with myself. Then management changed our original agreement and required that I work more hours and drive longer distances for less pay. Running on my childhood programming, I kept my resentment to myself and became moody. I felt like a victim, taken advantage of, powerless. I pouted and whined to myself. When I talked to boss, I was angry and copped an attitude. It wasn't long before I got fired."

Who's You Who Makes You Do?

What do YOU do to try to make friends, stay safe, fit in, be loved? Until we undo these conditioned strategies, decisions we made when we were children run all aspects of our lives in present: from relationships and health to finances and work.

You can easily discover automatic behaviors that are running you. Scan through your life. Make a list of challenges you encountered throughout your life. What are specific, unique problems you had to face at your home, school, college, job-and with your parents, relatives, friends, teachers and co-workers? What personal strategies did you develop to get yourself through challenges of your journey? Are you still using similar tactics? Are these approaches successful?

Intuition to Rescue

The good news is that when you identify past programmed strategies that don't work in your present life, you can create new strategies that do work. The once necessary kid tactics that kept you safe and balanced-like training wheels of a bicycle-can be discarded. You are now capable of keeping yourself balanced and safe using guiding wisdom of your intuition and acquired life experience.

Successful Alternatives Surround You

Exciting and playful alternative strategies are all around you. Lots of people have discovered original, creative ways of dealing with situations similar to yours. Fresh ideas and models are demonstrated in lives of truly happy and successful people. With keen eyes and perked ears, you can glean fun and compassionate life strategies from biographies, interviews, TV, movies, books, news, magazines and advice columns. Seek out a mentor, shaman or other personal advisor. Let your intuition guide you to an inspiring workshop or professional coach.

Good luck. Have a good time creating new approaches to life that work!

After what you've been through, you deserve it!

Childhood lasts a long time for elephant, as it does for human. They have much to learn about survival and their culture. They’re dependant on their mothers, emotionally and physically, for 3-5 years, and often aren’t weaned til their 10th year. Why this long dependency? Because they aren’t born knowing how to survive, they must learn it. Similar to humans and apes, much of elephant’s brain development takes place after birth. This allows for (and demands) learned behaviors, not just instinctual behavior.

Like humans, elephant is born with minimal “innate” knowledge. For instance, it’s only through watching adults elephant learns its trunk can be used to pick things up, or scratch or drink with.

Now what if young elephant calf, with it’s new brain (“impressionable”) is captured and its leg chained to a stake in ground that he can’t pull away from no matter how hard he pulls? And at same time, he’s scared. Scientists are discovering that fear and memory get stored together in cells for a long time. Once coupled with fearful events, they continue to fire in unison long after original event is over. At an early age, elephant has learned “helplessness,” that when that thing’s on its leg, no matter what it does, it can’t get away, so eventually it gives up and quits trying. And there stands that 7-ton animal tethered by nothing, really, except its fearful memories.

Has this happened to you? (Think about it.) Could coaching help? (Think about it.)