The longer you wait to complete task, less you’ll think about yourself and your competence.

Rarely do these things go away. Instead they sit around and fester in our minds, or grow worse in reality. If you were supposed to weed garden, doing it a month ago instead of today would have taken a whole lot less time. You would still have been weeding, which you don’t like to do, but there would’ve been a lot less weeds to get rid of.

Now when you get out there to weed, and task is overwhelming, you’ll question your ability as a gardener, and maybe even your abilities in general. What would’ve been an easy task has become a large one, and will demand more of you.

In order to motivate yourself, think back right now on some task you had in past that you took care of immediately. There are probably numerous examples, but you may not be able to think about them because you moved through them so quickly they didn’t take up any brain-energy at all.

That’s take home point. Instead of staring at files piling up on your desk (which will take up place in your brain and emotions as well) tackle it immediately. Don’t let things pile up, because they pile up in your head as well, and that’s energy you need for other things.

Here are some ways to get started: ·Take an inventory of all things you need to tackle. ·Make a list where you can check things off when they’re completed and see your progress. ·Celebrate each item you take off your list with some treat for yourself. ·Begin! Choose one thing and do it. ·Work with a coach for support. ·Declutter and simplify. As you go through piled-up list, think of what things you could completely eliminate that would free up time and energy. ·Be ruthless in getting rid of tolerations.

It may take you a while to get through your list, but you will eventually. If you eliminate some things, you should be able to stay caught up and feel a whole lot better about things.

So, while you do feel angry, there’s a huge component there that’s related to your internal state. Another day, another time you’d be far less angered.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence. Without it, you can’t understand other people. Learning how you work, and why, allows you to perceive how this might be operating in other people. This is important because they, like you, have trouble expressing their emotions.

While other party may not be perceptive enough to acknowledge they’re having a bad day, or are too tired to communicate well or connect, or may not want to admit this, considering it either a weakness or irrelevant, you’ll have information. This allows you to avoid provoking someone in such a state, to save your discussion for a better time, to soothe other person, or to avoid them at this time.

Empathy

When you know your own feelings well, and how they’re expressed, you can more quickly pick up on what’s going on with others.

Our emotions guide us if we pay attention to them. From our emotions we learn what’s good and what’s bad, what we want to be around and what we don’t, what’s going to feel good and what isn’t.

Emotions are also contagious. Self-awareness and empathy allow us to keep good boundaries. When you can sense other person’s brain has turned to mush, or is about to, then you have good information!

How can you tell? The same way you’ve learned to tell what’s going on with yourself. When we get angry, there are usually visible external signs. The same as go on with you. A flushing face, pounding fist, tapping fingers, bouncing leg, crossed arms, pouting face, eyes turned to slits. Know your own and you’ll recognize them in others.

There are many nonverbal signals to any emotional state that you can become more aware of. 90% of all communication is nonverbal, and emotions are expressed more compellingly through nonverbal means. That’s because they are less under out control.

Even most controlled person will have trouble controlling expansion or contraction of their pupils, and certain other physical manifestations of emotions can’t be controlled at all.

We generally don’t make mindful choices about gestures and expression, because we’re too busy talking to notice or care.

However, we can learn to read them in others, and generally we do. This is how we come to know our loved ones so well, and know what that tilt of head means, that little smile, that certain hand gesture.

To Connect, Not to Manipulate

Learning to understand other people better is about learning to communicate, cooperate, and connect. We’re all after something in our interchanges. At work, for instance, we may be working on a joint project that needs to happen. With good boundaries on both sides, we can suggest and influence, understand ourselves and others better, and accomplish more positive outcomes.