As you read these, if you ASSUME that one or more of them is what everyone wants, you particularly need to pay attention, because in actuality it’s amazing what people do want and expect that other people don’t.

It’s important to know what you want, and then to observe person you’re considering marrying. Tom, for instance, primarily wanted a homemaker and recreational playmate from a wife. Middle-aged, he fell in love with a woman in her mid-30s who had never been married. This should have been a red-flag that domestic life probably wasn’t what she was interested in. Once married, she became ardently interested in a career, since he provided her opportunity to get further education, and as she turned her focus there, all hopes of recreational companionship for Tom vanished. She, on other hand, had expected emotionally oriented conversation from him (openness), and joint accelerating career and financial goals. To him, “she never cooked or cleaned house.” To her, “he just wanted to play.”

It is devastating when we love someone and find out too late they aren’t interested in same things. It is hard to trade off meeting needs that really aren’t felt and enjoyed, and accommodation isn’t always possible, i.e., you either are faithful or you aren’t, you either want kids or you don’t. If you want financial support from a man, it’s best to find one who really loves to make money. If you want physical affection from a woman, it’s best to find one who can’t keep her hands off you. These things can’t be faked, but, sometimes, when falling in love, we fool ourselves and therefore fool other person.

Issues can become clouded during courtship, especially when there is sex too soon. Physical intimacy causes those wonderful chemicals that cloud our thinking, and start bonding process. We can start to need and want a person who ultimately may not be able to meet our marital needs.

Take some time to envision carefully what you want marriage to look like. Observe person you have in mind in different situations. For instance, Tom might have noticed, if he hadn’t been so “in love,” that his partner didn’t know how to cook and was never at home. She, on other hand, might have noticed most of his time and enthusiasm went into his recreation, and that he was content with his job and financial situation way they were.

Nothing is insurmountable, but you increase your chances by being mindful at outset. Couples survive infertility of one when they both wanted children, and a spouse can learn to verbalize, or make physical, affection they feel, if they want to please, but couch potato and amateur athlete who marry will can’t accommodate, and career-driven women won’t be happy baking bread and being available for tennis games.

It wasn’t bringing me more time with my family to appreciate and experience LIFE.

It wasn’t a fight that was mine!

And that’s bottom line! The fight that many of us face every day is often not a fight that by winning it makes us happy. So I resolved to become a warrior that fights for what I believe in. I resolved to become a warrior that fights for life that is best suited to me and my family’s lifestyle.

I resolved to fight for what counts!

It was my fault for my circumstances and it was because of lack of action towards important elements in life. It was my fault and no one else could be blamed and no excuse could be used – I was accountable!

Once this adjustment was made to my perspective, doors to abundance began to open wide enough for me to sneak a peak. What I saw helped me to believe that maybe, just maybe, lifestyle that my family and I want is possible for us.

It has become fight of my life.

“Fighting to pay bills is hardly worth it… fight for a better life!”