You can never challenge your child with circumstantial evidence. Either child will lie and you will reinforce his dishonesty or he will confess. If he tells truth and you punish him, you will be teaching him that it pays to lie. Either way you are stuck. Circumstantial evidence won't do.

Hearing that your child stole from a third party won't do. If your child denies it, then you are forced to believe your child. If you don't, then you will show your child that you don't trust him. Nothing encourages a child to be dishonest more that knowing that his parents don't trust him. If child confesses, you will not be able to punish him.

Even if you are 99% sure your child is stealing that is not good enough to accuse him. For example, say that you look in your purse and brand new $50 you took out from bank yesterday is missing. You put your child's laundry away and you find hidden among his things your brand new $50. You did not catch your child. Maybe someone else also lost a new $50 bill and he found it. Maybe your $50 fell out of your purse and your child found it on street. Unless you see your child reach into your purse and take out $50 you did not see him steal.

4-Make Sure that Your Child Knows What He Did is Wrong

This is particularly true of a younger child.

What to Do When You Catch Your Child

Don't ask child for explanations. Merely state that he is not allowed to take things from other people. Do not sermonize. Just use simple explanations.

"Stealing is wrong. You would not want anyone to take your toy. So it's wrong for you to take this toy."

Never imply that your child is bad. Stealing is bad, not child. Do not call your child a thief, dishonest, or a liar or any other name that you do not want him to become. When you give your child a label, he will grow to fill that label.

Correcting Wrong

If Your Child Stole From Someone Outside Family

Your child must make restitution. If your child stole from a store or from a neighbor, then see that he returns object. Have your child apologize and say he or she will never do it again. You should accompany your child to make it easier for him to correct damage.

If Your Child Stole Money from You

Estimate what child took and make it clear that child must pay you back. He may do this by helping around house for money. You should pay him enough that he pays off his debt in about a month. Say to him that you realize he needs more money and give him an allowance or increase in allowance.

Hide Temptation

Don't leave money around where child can find it. Tell his siblings that you are going to watch their money for a while. Don't tell them why. Don't send this child to store to buy something with a large bill where there will be a lot of change.

Putting Incident into Past

Figure Out Why Your Child Stole

If he needs more attention make a special effort to give it too him. If he needs to feel more control over his life, give him an increase in allowance and more freedom to spend it as he wishes. If he needs certain things to be part of his peer group, make sure that he gets them.

Continue to Trust Your Child

If your child is stealing it does not mean he is bad or he is a thief. You don't want your reaction to make him become that way. Your child will fulfill your expectations of him. If you view him as a thief, bad, or dishonest he will grow into that label.

Be a Model of Honesty

Children learn by watching their parents. You should show concern about property rights of others. A parent who brings office supplies home or boasts about a mistake at supermarket checkout counter, teaches his child that honesty is not important.

Conclusion

Stealing is a common problem. You should view it like any other mistake your child makes. It is something that has to be corrected, but it is not more than that. If you handle it properly, you can correct this problem quickly and easily.

If you want more information on ways that you can teach even most difficult child to obey you, please see our Child Behavior Program at http://addadhdadvances.com/child-behavior.html

Anthony Kane, MD ADD ADHD Advances http://addadhdadvances.com

Anthony Kane, MD is a physician and international lecturer. Get help for your ADHD child, including (http://addadhdadvances.com/child-behavior.html) child behavior advice, Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Share your views at the (http://adhd-add.blogspot.com) ADD ADHD Blog. Sign up for the free ADD ADHD Advances online journal. Send an email to: subscribe@addadhdadvances.com?subject=subsart.

5-Make Moderate Demands

No one likes having demands placed upon him. Children are no different. Yet we are constantly commanding our children. We feel that as parents we must take steps to correct every misdemeanor that we see. When orders become excessive or arbitrary parent becomes more like a dictator that an educator. If you place a lot of obligations on your child, then your child is going to resent and resist your authority. One of most important steps in getting your child to listen to you is to reduce amount of demands that you place upon him. This will require you to stay calm and overlook a lot of childish behavior. Commands should be made thoughtfully and be within reasonable limits. The general rule is that if a certain behavior is not something your child will be doing as an adult and if it is not dangerous, then you should not make it a priority to correct.

6-Follow Through

Even if you do all that has been mentioned so far, you will still need to give your child orders. When you do so, you must be firm and make sure that your child obeys. If you give your child an instruction you must insist that he fulfill it. Often it will be easier or more convenient to just overlook disobedience. This is end will erode your authority as a parent.

You should only make moderate and well thought out demands on your child. However, when you do make those orders your child must fulfill them. If we want our children to take our words seriously, then we must show them that we are serious.

7-Be Free with ‘Yes', but not with ‘No'

We must try to grant every reasonable request our children make of us. They should feel that we are giving to them freely and in overflowing abundance at all times. You should make it a rule to give your child whatever he wants unless you have a good reason not to do so.

In addition, we should try to temper our use of ‘no'. Try not to avoid saying ‘no' whenever possible. For example, if your child wants to have a treat before dinner and you want him to eat first, rather than say ‘no' or ‘not now' say, ‘yes, after dinner.' This small change in way you use words ‘yes' and ‘no' will change your child's perception from feeling that most of his desires are being denied to that most of them are being granted.

Conclusion

It is natural for a child to want to obey his parents. It is also necessary for his proper growth and development. Applying these seven keys will help you to make it easier for your child to obey you. If you want to see how you are doing as a parent, see our Parenting Quiz at http://addadhdadvances.com/parentquiz.html . If you want more information on ways that you can teach even most difficult child to obey you, please see our Child Behavior Program at http://addadhdadvances.com/child-behavior.html

Anthony Kane, MD ADD ADHD Advances http://addadhdadvances.com