When you’re “offended,” you’re angry, and we know that anger kills. People who intentionally aim to offend, are angry people, and they’re trying to pass it on. They don’t like themselves, so it makes them feel good to not like you. Don’t take hook. Make note they’re like that, and limit your contact with them, of course; but when you can’t, manage emotions around it. Your emotional reaction can do you harm. The words themselves cannot.

You can also monitor your self-talk, lest it go on forever. If you find yourself thinking, “He insulted me,” or “He said that to get back at me,” or “He said that to make me angry,” try telling yourself something different, like, “That doesn’t include me, of course,” or “I’m going to let that comment just move on through me and take emotions along with it because I want peace and good health.” Or simply recite alphabet. War stories have same physiological effect on you as initial incident, sometimes months and years later. Why would you want to do that to yourself.

You don’t have a constitutional right not to be offended, but you always have option of turning down volume, pushing “off” or “delete” button, walking away, staying away, and not letting anger fester within you and cause you real harm.

You can also learn something from it, about yourself. Our emotions give us information. Ask yourself if you’re angry because people shouldn’t talk or be that way. If you can’t be happy until world and people in it are perfect, you’re going to have a long wait, a miserable life, and possibly a coronary.

Check in on what issues were triggered. If they said all Xs are X, and you are that way, and it’s not a nice way to be, you may want to look at that. As Russell Lynes puts it, “The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can’t ignore it, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh at it; if you can’t laugh at it, it’s probably deserved.” Laughter is always a good physiological antidote to anger; you can’t be relaxed and tense at same time.

If they attacked an institution with which you’re affiliated, are you sure you want to be a martyr for a cause that big? It’s unlikely you’ll change their opinion, and very likely you’ll raise your blood pressure, accelerate your heart rate, bring on a migraine, or prime yourself for a stroke. Over time, of course, but a habit’s a habit. Pick battles large enough to matter, but small enough to win.

If you’re kind who feels every emotion must be acted upon, take that energy and put it to good use. There are bigger things to work on than one person’s attitude. Teach others a better way. Be a Big Sister, teach Sunday school, sponsor a foreign exchange student, give seminars, write an article for “rant and rave” section of www.zinos.com , or send a letter to an editor. But do it from a loving place, otherwise negative energy is still there.

The bottom line is protecting yourself, not from someone else’s words, but from your own reactions. The bottom line is, no one can offend you unless you agree to it. Don’t agree to it. Move on!

I had tried to encourage Anne to leave home and be her own woman. As we talked after dinner, woman began to share a story with Anne. The woman told Anne: “Once there was an eaglet who grew up with ducks. When eaglet grew strong wings to fly, mother duck told eaglet, ‘You hatched with ducks but you are not a duck. You are an eagle. Eagles don’t walk, they fly. So fly away to be with eagles...’ The eaglet replied, ‘No, I am not an eagle. I am a duck. I cannot fly.’ The mother duck told eagle, ‘Yes, you are an eagle. You were hatched by a duck but you are an eagle. You can fly.’ The eaglet was so afraid to try it replied, ‘No, I cannot fly. I am a duck—if I try to fly, I will fall.’

“The mother duck told eaglet, ‘You are an eagle. You don’t belong here. Fly and be with your own kind and you will be much happier. Try, please try. Eagles fly, they don’t walk. You are an eagle. You can fly.’ The eagle thought for a minute. It began to stretch and flap its wings. It bounced around a little, then it jumped up and flew. As it lifted off ground it realized it could fly and began to soar in air.”

We all sat and listened to this emotional story. I know I wept and so did Anne. I cared about Anne so much. I wanted her to find happiness. Not long after and with a little encouragement and support, Anne moved out of her parents’ basement. She found her own apartment and a full-time job at a local hotel. She began to date and met a man who cared for her. Although it was difficult and frightening at first, Anne tried and when she did, she soared.

This real-life example shows that we can all find happiness and success if we choose to make choices and do things that bring us happiness and success. Anne only found success when she left her comfort zone and tried. In your love life, only way to experience true failure is if you don’t try, if you give up or try to hide behind excuses and justifications.

The eaglet eventually flew with eagles instead of walking with ducks. This means, for example in relationship, you can find love with your appropriate mate—not just any man or woman for sake of having a lover. You can live your potential. But settling for unhealthy and mediocre relationships is not a way to find happiness. You can achieve your true potential in all things if do your part.

You can tell from Anne’s story that despite her upbringing and life experiences, she was able to find happiness by making choices that brought her happiness. When Anne left her comfort zone (like eagle leaving ducks), she reached her potential. Do you make choices that bring you stress and disappointments? Do you settle for relationships that bring you misery? What is your emotional well-being worth to you? Decide kind of life and relationships you want. Then you will know what you need to do.