There are many possible reasons for a discrepancy in desire between partners. The first is biological. As I mentioned in statistics above, more than twice as many women than men have problems with sexual desire. This is because after infatuation phase of relationship, when hormones are running rampant, things settle down to natural biological rhythms. And biologically speaking, whoever has most testosterone has most desire.

Hmmm…. I wonder which gender that is!

Other reasons relevant to both genders are performance anxiety, emotional pain in relationship, coerced intimacy, sex used as a bartering tool, lack of time, lack of energy, and fear of intimacy to name a few. These can be helped with an understanding therapist.

What you should do: first get complete medical exams to rule out any type of disease or medication causing problem.

What you can do: see a relationship expert or sex therapist who can help you experience pleasure and joy of intimate connection. You deserve no less.

Maggie Vlazny, MSW, LCSW copyright 2005 www.therapyct.com

The sooner two of you can face each other, without outside input or influence, better off you and relationship will be.

There usually is no reason to share new found information about cheating husbands or cheating wives with family, friends, children or spouse of other person. A concern about sexually transmitted diseases or health risks might be an exception. If it is important to share such information, do so without much fanfare or drama.

And of course, if you pursue legal action, any information obtained through spying is sometimes might be helpful to your attorney. Some “evidence” does carry weight in particular states or districts.