What Are You Resisting?

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Continued from page 1


The resistant pattern can continue onrepparttar inner level, creating much immobilization. For example, if one part of you is saying, “We’ve got to lose weight,” or “We have to get this place organized,” or “We’ve got to getrepparttar 126141 bills paid andrepparttar 126142 taxes done,” or “We’ve got to stop being late everywhere,” another part might be saying, “You can’t tell me what to do. I don’t have to do what you say.” It’s as if there is an inner controlling parent telling you what to do, just as your parents might have, and an inner resistant child resisting inrepparttar 126143 same ways you might have learned to resist when you were growing up.

If you are stuck in this inner pattern, it is important to realize thatrepparttar 126144 same thing is true as when resisting another person: it’s more important to you to resist being controlled - even if it is by you - than to be loving to yourself. Obviously, if you are overweight, it would be loving to yourself - to your health and well-being - to lose weight. It would be loving to yourself to clean up your living space and get it organized, to pay your bills and get your taxes done, and to be on time. If being loving to yourself were your highest priority, you would do these things or whatever else you are resisting. You are stuck because resisting being controlled, out of a fear of losing yourself, is more important than being loving to yourself.


This same pattern can be operating in reaction to spiritual Guidance. I’ve counseled many people who clearly hearrepparttar 126145 small still voice of Spirit guiding them, but refuse to listen out ofrepparttar 126146 fear of being controlled by God. Others resist evenrepparttar 126147 possibility that spiritual Guidance exists for them out of this same fear.

If you are stuck in your life, you might want to look at what you are resisting. You might want to explorerepparttar 126148 wounded part of you that is so afraid of loss of self - of being controlled, engulfed, smothered - that you resist all that is truly in your highest good. Making this unconscious pattern conscious isrepparttar 126149 first step to getting unstuck.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com

Dealing with Anger

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach & Consultant

Continued from page 1

However,repparttar more we fight it,repparttar 126140 greaterrepparttar 126141 hold it will have on us, and we compoundrepparttar 126142 stress. It takes energy to stuff it down and that takes its toll. Besides it doesn’t work.

The first step is to recognize and accept it. “Nothing’s either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” saidrepparttar 126143 poet, and this applies to all our feelings, including anger. They are. They happen. They’re there for a reason, which should be noted.

Judging our emotions only compoundsrepparttar 126144 stress. Even inrepparttar 126145 Bible it says, “Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not letrepparttar 126146 sun go down on your anger.” [Ephesians 4:26] The New Living Translation phrases it, “Don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you.”

It gains control over us when we do one of two things – either ignoring it, or reacting to it in knee-jerk fashion, and doing something harmful.

What’srepparttar 126147 alternative? Sit withrepparttar 126148 anger. Experience it. Acknowledge it. Then move yourself torepparttar 126149 higher center ofrepparttar 126150 brain,repparttar 126151 neocortex, and figure out what to do about it, if anything. Respond, don’t react. Put a pause in between feeling and action. Be willing to do nothing, while feeling it atrepparttar 126152 same time. But don’t ignore it.

Better Anthony’s wife had told him each time she was angry and asked for changes rather than just throwingrepparttar 126153 keys onrepparttar 126154 table one day and walking out. Then it was too late. There was too much water underrepparttar 126155 bridge, too much resentment, too much to deal with.

When we stuff it down, it’s likely to come out inrepparttar 126156 “kickrepparttar 126157 dog syndrome” as well. Some unsuspecting person will berepparttar 126158 brunt of our resentment toward someone else, or we’ll get drunk, or crashrepparttar 126159 car, or trash our life in some way. Anger is energy.


One way to deal with anger is to learn to forgive. This is a long learning process for most of us, but, of course, we have plenty of opportunity to practice it. Unjustices occur allrepparttar 126160 time, and we have all been wronged. Learning to let go of this anger is part of Emotional Intelligence.

One reason this is a good policy is because many ofrepparttar 126161 most grievous injustices can’t be undone. An apology wouldn’t be enough.

Therefore, we forgive, and we do so for our own benefit, notrepparttar 126162 benefit ofrepparttar 126163 perpetrator. The anger will eat us up, while having little effect onrepparttar 126164 object of our anger, which means we are twice victims, and morerepparttar 126165 fool.


Channelrepparttar 126166 energy. When your boss makes you angry, go chop wood when you get home. Userepparttar 126167 anger over your divorce to flame through graduate school. Get angry atrepparttar 126168 opposing team and winrepparttar 126169 football game. Write poetry when your mother dies. Master Rachmaninoff’s 3rd Concerto when your wife runs off with another man.


This is another method for dealing with anger. Namerepparttar 126170 feeling and claim it. It’s your anger.

Intellectually speaking, someone could have saidrepparttar 126171 same thing to someone else, and it would’ve had little or no effect. YOU are inrepparttar 126172 equation! “Aim it” means know where it’s coming from. Don’t slap your child because your partner infuriated you. “Tame it” means learning to self-soothe.

Developing your emotional intelligence can help eventually to modulate your feelings. (So can therapy.) You experience them less strongly after time, if you work at dealing with them as they come up.


This is Paul Pearsall’s formula. He has a Ph.D. in psychoneuroimmunology and isrepparttar 126173 author of “The Pleasure Principle.” His work on anger is compelling, as he has studiedrepparttar 126174 effect it has on our immunology system, which is our health.

Repressing anger makes us sick, and so does expressing it. There’s a plethora of research showing that just recalling an angering event causesrepparttar 126175 same reaction as if it were happening again in real time. Why do this to yourself over and over again? Wasn’t once enough? Skiprepparttar 126176 war stories, and skiprepparttar 126177 bypass, yes?

“Confess it,” says Pearsall, meaning roughly that you acknowledge you have it, and that maybe you aren’t “yourself,” or thinking straight. You take a break. Breathe deeply. Count to ten. Think it over. Move on.


Learning to manage anger is part of emotional intelligence. We are never far fromrepparttar 126178 two-year-old throwing a tantrum. “We never grow up,” someone said, “We just learn how to behave in public.” The difference is self-awareness and tools – understandingrepparttar 126179 emotion, being able to stop, self-soothe and think it through, and not letting it getrepparttar 126180 better of us.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Consultant, http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering coaching, business programs, Internet courses, teleclasses, ebooks, and EQ coach training and certification. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information, or to sign up for FREE ezine. Put “ezine” for subject line.

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