A good way to handle this is to say something like, "You know, I hear what you are saying, but there seems to be something else on your mind. Why don't you tell me about it?" If she says she isn't sure, start asking her questions that will help her to visualize and evaluate her feelings. For example you can ask, "Okay, what are you feeling? Try to describe it. Or, "What comes to mind when you are feeling this way?" "Does a particular person come to mind?" "Is there anything giving you cause for concern?"

Ensure that questions are open-ended. They should allow your teenager to think about issues that: 1. May not be at a conscious level or 2. Is something that she is not willing to face just yet.

"Peeling back onion layers" will help you to get to bottom of what is troubling your teenager. With your help, she will be able to talk about her thought process, visualize it, and then tie these pieces of information together so things become clear. This approach will help you focus on helping your teens to evaluate their feeling and become better problem solvers.

You can then begin discussing a better solution to her "real" problem.

Copyright 2004 by V. Michael Santoro and Jennifer S. Santoro, All Rights Reserved.

This article is an excerpt from book "Realizing Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and how you can too! By V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed and Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information visit their Web site at http://www.dads-daughters.com

Which is why, when compromise is imminent, I occasionally find myself dripping wet.

Water never hurt anyone, I tell myself. Then I remember Noah. And Jack. And Jill. But so far, I have avoided drowning in my own sorrow, which probably means I am losing fewer compromises than my brother.

Our house lives in an era of an uneasy truce. Fortunately, nobody is bent on world domination.

If I would just learn to put toilet seat down or wipe counter after myself, I could strike a diplomatic coup. However, if I did, I would have to fork out for an embassy reception, and my wife is only caterer in house. Plus it would force her into a most uncomfortable corner of having to put other toilet seat down and close lights when she leaves room to avoid a diplomatic faux pas.

Being a loving husband, I am determined to protect my wife from any discomfort in her own house (or having to cater a diplomatic reception), so I resist temptation to score such a diplomatic coup and I continue to leave counter tops wet.

It is sometimes for greater good to allow a friendly exchange of sniper fire, taking cover if it looks like it might get out of hand. The world is a much more peaceful place when we just accept that we can all happily get along, and that we are in no real danger living perpetually on brink of compromise.