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Consider case of romantic love. When two adults with significant spiritual and psychological affinities encounter each other, and if they have evolved to a decent level of maturity -- if they are beyond level of merely struggling to make their relationship "work" -- then romantic love can become a pathway, not only to sexual and emotional happiness but also to higher reaches of human growth. It can become a context for a continuing encounter with self, through process of interaction with another self. Two consciousnesses, each dedicated to personal evolution, can provide an extraordinary stimulus and challenge to each other.
But such a possibility presupposes self-esteem. The first love affair we must consummate successfully is with ourselves; only then are we ready for a relationship with another. A person who feels unworthy and unlovable is not ready for romantic love.
Of course, there are other kinds of love besides romantic love. What I feel for my grandchildren is a different kind of love. What it has in common with romantic love, however, is that I see in my grandchildren values and traits that touch my heart. But it would be a corruption of language to say that I "love" my grandchildren same as I "love" children whom I do not even know. Whatever my feelings for other children, experience is entirely different.
Apart from what I feel for my wife, Devers -- who is highest value in my life -- writing is my paramount passion. What this means, practically, is that a good deal of my time and energy is devoted to writing. This has to do with living one's values, not simply professing them. You ask, "How do I bring love into my life?" My answer is that I focus day after day principally on what I care most about in this world -- on what I most respect and admire. That is what I give my time and attention to.
Since my highest priorities are my marriage and my work, I give greatest part of my time and energy to them. With regard to my wife, I frequently communicate to her my awareness of all traits and characteristics in her that I so much love, respect, appreciate, and admire.
We all want to be seen, understood, appreciated. I call this need for experience of psychological visibility. I strive to make my wife feel visible to me.
I also spend a great deal of time thinking about things I love. I am keenly aware of how much there is in life to appreciate and enjoy. I dwell on that every day. I do not take anything good in my life for granted.
I am always aware of our mortality. I know that if I love someone, time to express it is today. If I value something, time to honor it is today.
Dr. Nathaniel Branden Phd, is the author of over 20 books, including "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" & "The Art of Living Consciously. Click here for more information about Dr. Nathaniel Branden