Consider case of romantic love. When two adults with significant spiritual and psychological affinities encounter each other, and if they have evolved to a decent level of maturity -- if they are beyond level of merely struggling to make their relationship "work" -- then romantic love can become a pathway, not only to sexual and emotional happiness but also to higher reaches of human growth. It can become a context for a continuing encounter with self, through process of interaction with another self. Two consciousnesses, each dedicated to personal evolution, can provide an extraordinary stimulus and challenge to each other.

But such a possibility presupposes self-esteem. The first love affair we must consummate successfully is with ourselves; only then are we ready for a relationship with another. A person who feels unworthy and unlovable is not ready for romantic love.

Of course, there are other kinds of love besides romantic love. What I feel for my grandchildren is a different kind of love. What it has in common with romantic love, however, is that I see in my grandchildren values and traits that touch my heart. But it would be a corruption of language to say that I "love" my grandchildren same as I "love" children whom I do not even know. Whatever my feelings for other children, experience is entirely different.

Apart from what I feel for my wife, Devers -- who is highest value in my life -- writing is my paramount passion. What this means, practically, is that a good deal of my time and energy is devoted to writing. This has to do with living one's values, not simply professing them. You ask, "How do I bring love into my life?" My answer is that I focus day after day principally on what I care most about in this world -- on what I most respect and admire. That is what I give my time and attention to.

Since my highest priorities are my marriage and my work, I give greatest part of my time and energy to them. With regard to my wife, I frequently communicate to her my awareness of all traits and characteristics in her that I so much love, respect, appreciate, and admire.

We all want to be seen, understood, appreciated. I call this need for experience of psychological visibility. I strive to make my wife feel visible to me.

I also spend a great deal of time thinking about things I love. I am keenly aware of how much there is in life to appreciate and enjoy. I dwell on that every day. I do not take anything good in my life for granted.

I am always aware of our mortality. I know that if I love someone, time to express it is today. If I value something, time to honor it is today.

My approach to problem-solving involves cultivating an empty mind. In this space I listen, and allow myself to have complete faith that I will be guided in direction of resolution. I let go of my ideas about how something should be resolved.

Finding spiritual solutions to my life's problems always involves generosity and gratefulness. For me, this means giving my life to my soul purpose and being grateful for opportunity to do so. I believe that I get back from world what I put out to world, not only physically but also in terms of my thoughts. So, I recommend spiritual practices that involve being generous and grateful with thoughts as well as actions.

Nurturing a sense of connectedness to everyone and everything invites spiritual solutions. When I see myself as connected I am not looking for occasions to be offended or to judge. I don't see anyone as my enemy or an obstacle. This is how I relinquish negative self-talk and connect to solutions that are available to me. In moments of despair I try to affirm, "I see nothing, I hear nothing, I know nothing that is separate from me."

Finally I choose cheerfulness as a gauge of my level of spiritual consciousness at any given moment. The more cheerful, happy, contented, and satisfied I am feeling, more aware I am of my connection to spirit. So, does all this mean I'm suggesting that you always give money to people who ask for it? No. But I am suggesting that next time you see someone asking for money, look at that situation as being between you and your spiritual consciousness - between you and God. Consult your soul and if you feel that you don't want to give, don't. But rather than letting anger or judgment rule moment, offer that person a silent blessing from part of you that is a part of him. This is consulting your soul.

By Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, affectionately called the "father of motivation" by his fans, is one of the most widely known and respected people in the field of self-empowerment.