Also we have to cope with change and speed. Something needs to be done, and done immediately, like kitten in Lowe’s store, and what’s needed is two-sided accountability, that’s all.

THE BEES

On a recent cruise (being a coach, I speak on cruise ships), my sister and I stayed on board when it docked at Cozumel to enjoy pool to ourselves. As we sat poolside, a swarm of bees came aboard. They descended upon one of loud speakers, and wrapped themselves around it in a dark black cloud. Something about vibrations, my sister said.

My sister lives in San Diego, near Mexican border, of course, and there are killer bees there. She also knew exactly what to do with them. “Get a vacuum cleaner,” she told staff and crew who were beginning to appear.

No one listened. They cordoned off area with yellow tape. Others were called. Eventually captain appeared.

Fast forward … 45 minutes later a steward was called to bring a vacuum cleaner and bees were vacuumed up.

WHERE WILL YOU GET HELP

Are ship captain’s trained to deal with killer bees, or store managers trained to deal with bird infestations?

Think of this with relationships in your life – both at work and at home. Do you treat your administrative assistant like she’s a few notches down ladder from you? Do you treat your teenagers like employees? If so, what’s going to happen when you need their help on something, or they know about something you don’t, and you have to ask. If you set yourself up in this position, you’ll feel uncomfortable asking because you’ll “lose face.”

And if you hold yourself in this exalted position, person “beneath you” who knows how to do it, will hold silent, to preserve your ego, or to preserve their job, or to avoid making you “mad” and you will have lost.

Whichever way you look at it working partnerships and joint accountability are far more productive than hierarchical relationships.

LISTEN

One last example. When my son was 13 years old, we were riding in car and I got stopped by a policeman. My son started talking minute I was pulled over and I turned around and told him to be quiet. I wanted to be able to think.

The policeman checked my license and then looked at my inspection sticker and said it was out-of-date. My son started to try to speak again, and I motioned him to be quiet.

The end of story … under pressure of situation, it being February, policeman was reading wrong date on inspection sticker, and it actually WAS up-to-date. Finally when I “let” my son speak, he told us both this. He wasn’t afraid to make us both look like … well, like two confused adult people we were.

Use your emotional intelligence and allow everyone around you space to contribute. It’s a win-win situation.

So emotionally intelligent thing is to introduce what we’ll call “new material” slowly. Of course everyone puts their best foot forward in early stages of a relationship, and that’s appropriate. But as you increase intimacy and start getting to know one another more deeply, you will be talking about battle scars, things that make you who you are. We all have them!

Remember that yours may sound much “bigger” to other person than they actually are. Don’t rush into this part of relationship, telling of all those times you missed mark, or had things happen to you that altered course of your life. Begin by showing your wonderful, positive strengths and qualities that have allowed you to be resilient through rough seas of life.

Think about someone showing you a house for sale. They wouldn’t start with repaired foundation and 15 year old HVAC system. They would begin with spectacular view, stunning master suite with oversized Jacuzzi, top-of-the-line appliances in kitchen, and exceptional landscaping on acre lot.

There will be plenty of time to get to foundation (along with warranty papers) and HVAC system’s age (which can easily be replaced, and you’ve reduced price of house to accommodate). But why start with those things? It just isn’t emotionally intelligent.

If you’d like to get to know yourself better, and increase your EQ skills, first thing to do is take an EQ assessment, which you can do here: http:/ inyurl.com/z94t . Then work with an emotional intelligence coach. To find potentially compatible partners, try here: http:/ inyurl.com/2lyea .

EQ is all about identifying your emotions, understanding them, managing them, and regulating them, and what greater gift could you give this potential life partner you are looking for?

And in meantime, improving your EQ will benefit you in all areas of your life, and clear air for new experiences in your life.