"Use Your EQ When You're Mother-in-Law," by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach

Kelly and I have a great relationship, I'm grateful to say, but I'm still mother-in-law. If you are one, or have one, you'll probably agree it's a relationship that requires finesse. "Finesse" is another word for "emotional intelligence."

All those mother-in-law jokes are out there for a reason. I'd say it's hardest to be mother of son, but you might disagree! Anyway, Kelly is married to my only son, and mother of my only grandchildren. There are times when I feel very vulnerable in that situation, having to ask permission and all.

My granddaughter's now old enough to come for visits. When I call to invite her, it's been hard to come up with just right way to do it. After all, Meg is "hers" and not "mine."

Recently I read an article about something called "anodyne therapy." You know how when they're getting ready to stick a needle in your thumb they say, "This is going to sting a little bit"? Well, in anodyne therapy, they say, "Notice how quickly your thumb becomes numb."

"Anodyne" means "serving to assuage pain, or not likely to offend or arouse tensions."

When I received an email from my daughter-in-law talking about all "projects" she had going on, I figured out a better way to ask her. Kelly's always got something going on - painting, wallpapering, gardening - and of course they're harder to do with little ones underfoot. Lately I call and say, "Want to have some time to do that wallpapering? How about if I take Meg for a couple of days?"

This takes focus off what's being given up, and places it on something Kelly really wants - more time to do her projects. Anodyne - not likely to offend or arouse tensions. That's EQ!

6. Dress casual.

Be approachable, don't be intimidating.

7. Have a time-limited date.

Knowing it's just for an hour or two hours makes it more manageable. Meeting for lunch on a work day is one idea. You'll both have to get back to work, so you can keep it short and sweet.

8. Watch self-disclosure.

Use your EQ. Share a little about yourself, but not everything on first date. It's TMI. Besides a little mystery's always a good thing.

9. Be prepared.

Meeting someone new can be stressful. Make a list of interesting conversation topics for when your mind gets a little foggy. Hobbies, good movies, favorite books, and travel are always safe conversation topics. We all like to talk about ourselves, so be a good listener!

10. Enjoy yourself.

Someone who's having a good time is irresistible.