Ah! What’s EQ? Well, it’s what these hiring agents are talking about … this “appearance of confidence,” which, really, you can’t fake. When you’ve developed your Emotional Intelligence, you can radiate this quality hirers are talking about and looking for.

As Executive Coach Jeanette Kraar puts it, when advising on how to interview, “You can say whatever you want, but if your interpersonal skills, communication abilities, and overall body language doesn’t [sic] project a confident image – you won’t be taken seriously.”

Emotional Intelligence competencies include such qualities as Personal Power and Empathy, and are based on your ability to understand and manage your own emotions and those of others. Better known as “people skills,” it’s these ways of self- and other-management that make others want to be around you – which of course helps in you get job, and then keep it.

Emotional Intelligence can give you a kind of aura, because of way emotions affect us, and those around us. You know how awful you feel around someone who’s negative, pessimistic, and whiny; or controlling, rigid and arrogant; or nervous, insecure and uptight. We call these people “tolerations” in coaching and faster you can get them out of your life, better, yes?

At same time, you know how you feel around someone who radiates Good Things. These Good Things could be respect for you, love, good will, peace, joy, comfort, and other positive feelings. They have them within, and radiate them without.

“It’s stressful,” one of my EQ coaching clients said, “but EQ keeps me calm.”

So, if you don’t happen to be a member of The Lucky Gene Club, and could use a boost in job hunt department (or evidently hospital, classroom or justice system), instead of rushing out for Million Dollar Makeover, why not try developing your Emotional Intelligence.

And even if you are employed, and are attractive, give it a try. Research is showing EQ is more important to our health, happiness and success than IQ, and matters more higher up you go in your field. Give your career and relationships a boost. Raise your EQ!

A negative attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that sets you up for future failures and disappointments. Your inner brat convinces you that you might as well not put forth much effort because nothing ever works out anyway. And guess what? When you don't try, you don't experience success.

Most pessimistic people don't realize that they can change their attitudes. It really is possible to train yourself to be more optimistic.

Optimists do not ignore problems. They just look at them differently, thinking in terms of opportunities rather than limitations. Also, research shows that optimistic people are less likely to be depressed, are more productive, and enjoy better health than their pessimistic counterparts. Even in war-torn countries, optimistic people have hope for future.

Optimism is a major inner-brat-buster. When you think in terms of constructive possibilities, you are confident. You can withstand more adversity and stress. You look to future with excitement rather than dread.

Here are some tips on increasing your level of hope and optimism:

1. Every night before going to sleep, write down three good things that happened that day. This may seem hokey, but research shows that people who do this on a regular basis sleep better and wake up in a better mood, ready to take on day.

2. When you find yourself giving up hope of success, challenge your thoughts. Ask yourself, "What's evidence that I will fail?" If you merely *believe* that you'll fail, that's not good enough. If you failed in past at a similar task, figure out what caused that to happen, and change factors over which you have some control.

3. Ask yourself, "What's worst thing that can happen?" Then make a plan for this worst thing. As a result, you won't be more discouraged. In fact, you'll feel more hopeful and confident.

Copyright 2004 Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)