10.I was a band geek and an AP English student. I think I ate in cafeteria once for lunch whole three years of high school, because I could never find anyone to sit with and it was easier to starve than go sit in there. Eventually I got to hang out in band office during lunch. Did theater and speech team and French Club and Literary magazine. Never had any really good friends though until last year.”

Now you’ve heard it from horse’s mouth. Introverted teens find little value in extraneous socializing. Homeroom, clubs, dances, prom committees and most of all dreaded lunchroom are annoying and exhausting to introverts. When they get home, favored activity is reading or other quiet pursuits.

The exception may be academic clubs which tend to contain more intelligent students. With a rise in intelligence, ratio of introverts rises as well. Studies have shown that proportions almost reverse themselves among Rhodes Scholars and Phi Beta Kappas. Many of more academic groups and committees are run by and for introverts and can be satisfying to participate in.

Introverts also prefer private projects (art, creative, musical instrument) and will often choose to pursue these in their time off.

Some introverts are comfortable with their personality type even in high school. We were struck with those who made best of it, humorously or otherwise, but we personally identified with those who walked halls for a moment of privacy and who didn’t eat because they couldn’t handle dynamics of lunch room.

When your introverted teen gets home, he or she may need time alone to fill back up again. In fact, one of greatest gifts we can give an introvert of any age is a room of their own with a door that closes!

Let’s take a look at what some of introverts on survey said they liked to do when they got home from high school every day. Some of answers may surprise you.

1."Eat or watch TV."

2."Every so often talk on phone with a friend, but otherwise make my own dinner, watch some TV or listen to folk and protest music and/or teach myself to play guitar, and do some homework."

3."Sort out my homework, then do some reading"

4."By this time my sister was more self-sufficient so I'd usually go to my bedroom, watch TV, write and daydream. I spent A LOT of my time inside my head."

5."I spent a lot of time by myself outside of sport and school activities I tried to get people to be friends with."

6."Read"

7."I by then was very organized and fast at completing chores, so I had time to paint and write."

8."Babysit my little brother, make dinner... usual."

9."I have been sleeping a lot after school. I'm an introverted kid, and I used to feel bad about wanting to sleep after school cause I was so tired, but now I feel better. I play clarinet now, so I practice that and read."

10."Got a snack and took a nap. I DESPISED high school."

11."Cry, eat"

12."Practiced my saxophone. Drew pictures. Went overboard on any creative projects teachers gave me. Like, we were supposed to do an introduction to an epic poem in rhyming couplets. Mine was ten pages, and a whole rhyming couplet version of what happened after end of "the Phantom of Opera." The book, not musical. In history we made children's books, and I was first one teacher ever gave a perfect score to because mine was fully illustrated and had doors and windows that opened to pictures underneath."

13."Since I'm in high school that’s easy, I go home and watch an hour of Sliders and then I usually read homework or my book for fun and go on internet."

Please understand how stressful a high school day can be for your introverted teen. Give him or her privacy and quiet time desired when they get home in afternoon and, if possible, a room of their own with a door that closes!

Above all, appreciate ability of introverted teen to stand alone. In plain English, this means their ability to withstand peer pressures of drugs, alcohol, smoking and premarital sex are practically ironclad.

This is what one introvert said, ”I was nerdiest goody two shoes in high school you could possibly imagine. I was so shy I don‘t think I spoke to anyone whole four years. But in a way, boys like that kind of girl, thinking they can push you around I suppose. So I got asked out a lot. Anyway, I had one guy try to force me to take a drink of wine. He simply could not believe it when I said no and meant it. Since I didn’t care what anyone thought about me anyway, it was easy. I thought he was pathetic to even try!”

Introverts don’t have normal extroverted teen’s craving to be part of group. On some level, most of them know it isn’t going in that direction anyway. Introverts are also well ahead of game in knowing who they are. Some of those interviewed mentioned a focus on getting into college or making good grades and were not tempted to get off track by pursuing activities of less mature classmates.

Last but not least, your introverted teen may not be susceptible to peer pressure where things like drugs and sex are concerned. Next time you see him or her “hiding out” at internet, you can thank your lucky stars for introvert’s innate self reliance.

Our children need to be a part of our life, not our whole life. We need to role-model for them what it looks like to take personal responsibility for filling ourselves up. We need to show them what it looks like to take responsibility for making ourselves happy, rather than rely on them for our happiness. Your children want to know that they are important to you, but not so important that your well-being is dependent upon them. You might want to explore following questions to see if you may be using your children addictively:

* Do you have a solid spiritual practice that fills you with a sense of peace and gives meaning to your life?

* Are you expressing your particular talents in a way that feels meaningful and productive to you and gives you a sense of fulfillment?

* Do you have fulfilling emotional connections with other adults – a partner, other family members or friends?

If you answered “yes” to these, then you are probably not using your children addictively.

* Do you feel bored and useless when your children are not around? Is it your children that give your life meaning?

* Is your sense of worth attached to your children’s achievements? Do you tend to take it personally if one of your children has a problem?

* Are you over-involved in your children’s lives?

* Are you overly sensitive if one of our children is angry or distant? Do you find yourself trying to pacify your children rather than set appropriate limits in order to avoid their rejection?

* Did you choose to have children to share fullness of your love or did you have children in hopes of getting love from them?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these, then there is a good possibility that you are using your children addictively. If this is case, best thing you can do for you and your children is to move yourself toward a solid spiritual practice, look for meaningful ways of expressing your talents, and develop emotional connection and support from other adults.