It's quite simple, actually. Unfortunately, simple isn't same thing as easy. Just as it's taking me time to adjust my expectations of Candice Bergen and accept her in her new role, it takes us (and our families) time to adjust our expectations and begin to relate to each other as adults.

One essential thing to recognize is that anytime nature and dynamic of a relationship changes--especially a long-standing relationship such as a family relationship--we're dealing with question of safety needs.

Let me explain. One of fundamental things that our egos need in order for us to feel safe is to know what to expect. On most fundamental level, "safe" is same thing as "familiar." We don't have to like what we expect in order to feel safe; we simply have to _experience_ what we expect.

Consider this: Our family relationships are some of most important (and frequently difficult) relationships in our lives. We value safety in these relationships tremendously, because safety often seems to be in such short supply. No matter how well defended we may feel in rest of our lives, our family members always know where (and how) we're most vulnerable. We instinctively cling to what's familiar (and therefore safe) in our family relationships, and this results in typecasting.

On a conscious level we may want to embrace our family members and recognize their evolution as individuals. On an unconscious level, however, fact that our family members are no longer playing their familiar and safe roles in family drama is very threatening. We (and our family members) unconsciously cling to familiar family dynamic (no matter how dysfunctional it may be), and try to impose it on our family members-even as we attempt to escape it ourselves.

There may be some very deep and dark fears at root of this. As long as we stick with original family dynamic, we're still a family. We're bound by blood and we are required to stay in relationship with each other. Parents are required to raise and protect children; children are required to live with their parents and abide by their rules; siblings are required to put up with each other, or at very least not fight in a moving vehicle.

Once we become adults, however, this dynamic no longer applies. The thought that our family members are no longer required to be in relationship with us--and worse, that they could choose to reject or abandon us--is fundamentally terrifying.

This is not necessarily a universal fear, of course. But I invite you to consider that we do derive a certain amount of comfort--and safety--from knowledge that there are some relationships that will always be a part of our lives.

So, how do we overcome typecasting in our family relationships? The same way that we change any belief or pattern in our lives: through AWARENESS, OWNERSHIP and CHOICE.

First, we become AWARE that our expectations of our family members may be out of date. Next, we OWN and take responsibility for our expectations, and for our safety needs. We are responsible for maintaining balance in our own safety accounts. It is not responsibility of our family members to help us to feel safe by living up to our expectations of them. Finally, we CHOOSE to relate to our family members as they are now, rather than as they were then.

When our family members have difficulties in accepting us for who we are now, remember that they're feeling unsafe. Who we are is unfamiliar and threatening to them. Once we're AWARE that we're involved in a safety issue, we can OWN situation. Owning this particular situation means recognizing that we're not responsible for fact that our family members feel unsafe. We are, however, responsible for making sure that their lack of safety does not result in _us_ feeling unsafe as well. Finally, we can CHOOSE to be gentle with our families, helping them get to know who we are, not making them wrong for relating to us as we were, and ultimately allowing them to feel safe in our relationship once more.

I'm gradually overcoming my expectations in my relationship with Candice Bergen, and as a result, our relationship has improved tremendously. Just imagine how powerful overcoming typecasting can be in your family relationships!

Don't worry. I'm not going to tell you to stand in front of a mirror making positive affirmations. There is an easier way.

What you look for, you find, and this changes your mind. Want to prove this to yourself? Watch for polite drivers for a few days, making a mental note to yourself each time you see one. Focus just on polite ones, ignoring rest. It will change your experience of driving in a positive way. Then watch for rude drivers for a few days, and you'll begin to see them all over.

If you actually do exercise above, you'll get point. You experience world not just according to what is there, but even more according to what you pay attention to. Now, to apply this to your thinking process:

Find your successes. Notice when you learn something new. Write it down even. Point out your problem-solving successes to yourself, and you'll have more of them. When you are thinking clearly and effectively, tell yourself, "Look at that brain go!"

Telling yourself you are intelligent may help, but evidence is more convincing than affirmation. So if you are working to improve your mind, just watch, and you will find examples of progress, however large or small. Focus on these, and remember them. You can start doing this right now.