Twelve Principles for Developing Positive Relationships

Written by Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW

Continued from page 1

5. Changing your negative behavior can most effectively influencerepparttar negative behavior of others.

6. Because your positive relationships are influenced by your positive actions, show appreciation forrepparttar 126100 positive behavior in others.

7. Because it usually takes two to tango, withdraw from conditions that can easily lead to power struggles.

8. Because retaliation stimulates further revenge, avoid retaliating with revengeful people. Instead, express goodwill. You'll improverepparttar 126101 quality ofrepparttar 126102 relationship.

9. Instead of finding faults in others, focus on their assets and strengths.

10. Showing confidence in your loved one will help him or her develop self-confidence.

11. Because a manipulator lacks self-confidence, focus on his or her past legitimate successes.

12. Because a bossy person is difficult to speak to, communicate with this person through your loving actions.

Remember: When you maximize your potential, everyone wins. When you don't, we all lose.

Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW, Management Consultant and Trainer, conducts seminars, lectures, and writes articles on his theme: "... helping you maximize your potential." For more information visit, or email him at

How to overcome co-dependency and live a fulfilled life

Written by Ulla Sebastian

Continued from page 1

CO-DEPENDENCY IS THE RESULT OF FRUSTRATED NEEDS IN CHILDHOOD Basic needs like being nurtured, protected and appreciated were neglected, boundaries invaded through abuse, self-expression discouraged or punished. This neglect of primal needs then becomerepparttar obsession ofrepparttar 126099 adult who longs for their fulfilment in every close relationship.

The deep need to be saved fromrepparttar 126100 inner loneliness and emptiness is projected on to another person, usually an addict in an attempt to save 'him'. Needless to say, that her attempt to saverepparttar 126101 'helpless him' or to endlessly supportrepparttar 126102 'busy important ones' is prone to fail which then increases her frustration, anger, disappointment, guilt and low self worth.

DO YOU RECOGNISE ANY OF THIS? DO YOU FEEL A DEEP NEED TO BE SAVED FROM INNER LONELINESS AND EMPTINESS? This deep need can turn into a desperate, needy search for a romance that makes you vulnerable for being used by people. This neediness will draw partners into your life that want to have their needs fulfilled and will have little concern for your feelings or needs.

You may also find yourself projecting this need on to another person, usually an addict in an attempt to save 'him'. Saving 'him' will not solve your problem. Inrepparttar 126103 opposite: If you stay long enough in an unfulfilling relationship you become accustomed to unhappy situations, which then again will make you an easy target for being used.

HOW CAN YOU BREAK THIS VICIOUS CYCLE AND OVERCOME CO-DEPENDENCY? First, make your needs and interests your priority. What do you need to do to be good to yourself, to love yourself, to appreciaterepparttar 126104 good things in you and in your life? Start to take stock inrepparttar 126105 people you have surrounded yourself with. Are they as concerned with your needs and feelings as you are with theirs? You may need to detach yourself from some of these people, maybe even your partnership at least until you have taken time to start taking care of yourself.

Learn to say No when you mean No. Practice setting up boundaries that are firm and flexible. Saying No can be as easy as just not answeringrepparttar 126106 phone. Romance, alcohol, drugs and sex are not appropriate tools for overcoming co-dependency or filling your inner emptiness. Instead, focus on enjoyingrepparttar 126107 single life, as you develop a wide variety of interests and activities, meet people, and make new friends. With interests, activities and a good network of friends and acquaintances,repparttar 126108 inner emptiness andrepparttar 126109 painful longing will cease.

Dr. Ulla Sebastian is a well-known author, trainer and psychotherapist. Her work spans a wide range of themes for professional and personal growth and is the result of forty years of research, work with thousands of people from all over the world and a lifelong experience of selfgrowth and transformation. Visit her website for free courses, distance courses, books and articles.

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