True Happiness

Written by Kim Olver


Continued from page 1

However, Iíve have had some parents tell me that repeated nagging does work but then my next question usually has a different answer---At what cost? What wasrepparttar cost of getting that room cleaned? First, there wasrepparttar 135853 cost of you losing control and being a person you probably donít want to be and secondly, there was a definite cost torepparttar 135854 relationship between you and your child. Do you believe that after an exchange such as that one,repparttar 135855 two of you will be ready and willing to have a meaningful discussion about life or anything else about which you may like to talk? Probably not.

What I am about to say probably goes against what you have believedrepparttar 135856 good majority of your life and that is that you, and you alone, are responsible for your own happiness. If you are waiting for someone to do something differently or for a particular thing to manifest itself in your life in order for you to be happy, then you are operating fromrepparttar 135857 outside in instead ofrepparttar 135858 inside out.

I am not here to tell you to stop what you are currently doing. If you want to hold on to your beliefs that when your husband becomes more affectionate, your children more obedient, your wife more supportive, your boss more appreciative or you to get your education, pay off your credit cards, buy your first home, etc. in order for you to be happy, then go ahead. But for those of us who want to practice inside out thinking, we donít like to giverepparttar 135859 power to others to control our happiness or any of our other moods or emotions. We know that we are responsible for ourselves and no one else.

What I can help you with is learning how to berepparttar 135860 person you want to be, feelrepparttar 135861 emotions you want to feel by changing what you do and how you think about things. There is a quote I want to leave you with from Jimmy Dean. ďYou canít changerepparttar 135862 direction ofrepparttar 135863 wind, but you can adjust your sails.Ē This is representative of true inside out thinking. People and events are going to be what they are around us. There is very little we can do to impact other peopleís behavior andrepparttar 135864 uncontrollable events in our lives but there is always something each of us can do to manage those things better. If you would like more information please visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check our calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops.

Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. She also helps people improve the quality of their relationships with the important people in their lives.


Deadly Relationship Habits

Written by Kim Olver


Continued from page 1

Compare that to, you ask your partner to attendrepparttar party. He or she agrees. You go and have a wonderful time, spontaneously enjoying some quality intimacy upon your return home. Do those circumstances feel different to you? I bet they would to your partner.

No one likes to be controlled no matter how subtly or skillfullyrepparttar 135852 controlling is administered. External control is one thing human beings are almost guaranteed to rebel against.

The bottom line is that we often engage in destructive relationship patterns with those people we claim to loverepparttar 135853 most. We typically donít use these destructive behaviors with our friends. If we were to try, we soon wouldnít have any friends left!

When we think about our progress overrepparttar 135854 past 100 years in terms of technology and relationships, it is very clear that we have made great strides inrepparttar 135855 technological field and very minimal gains, if any, in our relationships with each other. Can you think of things we have available to us today that didnít exist 100 years ago? Today we have cell phones, computers, satellite, televisions, DVDs, CDs, space travel, etc. The list is virtually endless.

One ofrepparttar 135856 reasons we have made such huge gains inrepparttar 135857 technological field is because those who are working at making those advances are willing to try a new approach when their approach is no longer working. They adjust their behavior to fitrepparttar 135858 situation. This is simply common sense.

However, inrepparttar 135859 area of interpersonal relationships, would you say that people get along better today than they did a century ago? Do husbands get along better with their wives? Do parents get along better with their children? Do teachers get along better with their students? Do neighbors get along better today? Most would admit that there has been little, if any, improvement.

The reason for this lack of progress inrepparttar 135860 relationship department is that when our external control behaviors donít work to get usrepparttar 135861 results we want, we take those same behaviors torepparttar 135862 next level. We are convinced that they will work if only we do it more often, harder or faster. In other words, we get a bigger stick!

The reason this mentality has survivedrepparttar 135863 ages is because we can usually crank uprepparttar 135864 pressure or findrepparttar 135865 one punishment or threat that will work to get us what we want. Did you hear me say external control doesnít work? Of course it works! Thatís why we use it. The question remains: At what cost?

When we consistently use external control behaviors in our relationships with those we love, what does it cost? It costs usrepparttar 135866 relationship. Iím not sayingrepparttar 135867 relationship will necessarily end, although that is a definite possibility. What I am saying is that we keep whittling away atrepparttar 135868 foundation of our relationship and then wonder why there has been no relationship progress overrepparttar 135869 past 100 years or even longer.

There are alternatives. There are ways to simultaneously honor ourselves and our partners. The first step is to recognize when we are using external control behavior. We will probably be able to recognize it long before you feel able to do anything about it. This is acceptable. Of course,repparttar 135870 best case scenario is that from this moment forward, every time you consider externally controlling your partner, you stop yourself and use a caring habit instead. However, if that is not what happens in your case, donít despair. Recognizing external control isrepparttar 135871 first step---bringing it into your conscious awareness. Once itís there, then you can make a decision about what you are going to do about it.

To learn about excluding external control from your life and implementingrepparttar 135872 caring habits in your relationships, visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check our calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops.



Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. She also helps people improve the quality of their relationships with the important people in their lives.


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