TrekShare.com - Crashing a wedding in Laos - Part 1Written by Joseph Kultgen
Continued from page 1
spicy beef, spingrolls, fresh vegetables and a giant vat of sticky rice. Within seconds of loading up our plates two drunkest 20-year olds at party pulled up four chairs for us. One for our plates and other for our asses. Before even taking my first bit I had a 1/3 glass full of BeerLao between my eyes. This is where story takes a dramatic twist. It is not because I started drinking. That’s a little later. The twist is because this story is being composed for Break Magazine and they don’t allow any references to drugs or alcohol. Therefore I have written two versions. The one where I drink myself to a point where I believe I can understand Lao language is version you are reading. Although we were given utensils I chose to forego westernization of land and eat using dipping technique utilized by most people. Three bites in and once again a 1/3 full glass of BeerLao is between my eyes. The young man offering glass was pimped out in a black tuxedo and appeared to be kind of guy whom you should accept a drink from. Another "kop chi li li", a swig from his glass and we were friends. I pulled up another chair for special guest and we began to speak. The conversation took a slow start. Not because of tuxedo man, but rather because I had been so used to talking to people who spoke absolutely no English, that I was conversing like a trained monkey. Shortly into conversation I learned Pond was indeed honored guest at what I learned was his wedding. The handsome 24-year old had just been hitched and he oozed elation. As I scarified down my food I learned he works for Lao government as an AIDS educator. He also told us about a cousin of his who lives in NYC and his desire to my town. My door will always be open. Laotian men usually marry in there twenties. The bride is usually younger. She will most likely be from same village and will probably be related in some degree because most villages are small. Couples choose each other, but heads of both families decide when couple will marry, where they will live, and what bride price must be paid to girl’s father. This is usually in currency, although in olden times it was in livestock or grain. The groom’s family delivers bride price to bride’s father on day before wedding. The groom’s relative’s parade to bride’s house with gifts of food, tobacco, betel and so on. The groom makes his formal request for bride. Her family, after a long-winded, purely ceremonial show of reluctance finally agrees. In presence of a bonze or village elder, couple is officially betrothed. The next day, groom and his relatives again proceed to bride’s house, where they make a great show of fighting and bribe their way into yard. The groom must persuade bride’s sister to wash his feet before he can ascend steps to house and claim his bride. Divorce is rare in Laos, partly because each marriage concerns everyone in two large, extended families. If a marriage is dissolved, bride price has to be returned, and there are endless complications concerning inheritance and land use. It is much more sensible to compromise. Working things out, in general, is Laotian response to almost every conflict. Isn’t that a novel idea? In background we watched nucleus of party dance. Thankfully there are no traditions of Marquerena or chicken dance in Laos. This is one of things I’m happiest about. Tonight they danced Lamvong. It’s a combination folk dance and courting ritual. Girls dance in place with short, rhythmic steps, while boys weave circles around them; no one touches. The faces of dancers are completely expressionless, but their arms and hands wave in complicated patterns expressive of love and devotion. Frankly, unless you are Laotian, you will end up looking like a queen doing this jig. The groom apologized to us that party we crashed was almost over. He insisted we accompany him to parents of his wife’s house for an after party. The two guys sitting next to us indicated that they would escort us to party. Pond cordially dismissed himself and affirmed our attendance. As soon as 48-ounce bottle of BeerLao was cashed we would head out. As pace and amount of beer in glass increased I decided to engage transportation question. I was pretty sure these guys had scooters. Frankly I’m not a big fan of riding on back of those things in any situation. In addition, I was positive both these guys were half in bag. Through struggled words and gulps of beer I asked our new friends about drinking and driving.
Joseph Kultgen is co-founder of www.trekshare.com and has been writing the monthly newsletter - TrekNews - for the past 3 years. He is a contributer to STA Travel and Gap literature as well as a co-creator of TrekTV.
| | TrekShare - Crashing a Laos Wedding - Part 2Written by Joseph Kultgen
Continued from page 1
for sober victims. A variety of drinks were being served. Variety, however, is a relative word in Laos. No apple martinis or cosmos - just whiskey and beer. Up until this point I had only drank Whiskey Lao and Tiger whiskey, which appear to be two competing, brands. At 8000 kip ($.80) per bottle I was happy to see party upgraded to a bottle each of Johnny Walker Red and Black. One woman also carried around a pitcher of diluted whiskey and water. This is what you drank when you wanted to stop drinking. The great aspect of drinking in Laos is one glass rule or in this case one glass and one-shot glass rule. This ensures that when you are given a drink you pound it immediately. In general when drinking beer in Laos person who buys 40’s-esqe glass bottle pours a drink for himself before offering glass to surrounding people. This is brilliant for 2 main reasons. The beer stays cool and fewer dishes are made for our bride throwing party. Pond, myself and rest of people at party continued to drink and speak in whatever means we possibly could. A lot of time was just spent laughing enjoying collective moment we were sharing together. Paul excused himself after party turned into an alternative version of century club. One drink per minute for 100 minutes. It was probably during 58th minute when food came to table. Traditional Lao drinking food. Rather than pretzels and buffalo wings Lao people make extraordinary hot mango salads to entice drinking. I’d eaten a super hot mango salad in Thailand just days before so I was aware what I was in for. The dish was passed immediately to me and elder at table began aggressively coaxing me to take a bite. I grabbed spoon and took a small bite hoping to overt their attention. This really didn’t work. Now I was being ostracized for my lack of bite. The elder took large Chinese soupspoon and started burying it deep in salad. His eyes and 12 other leering pairs made it apparent I needed to bring my game to table. I grabbed back large spoon and made a single aggressive swoop into salad. The spoonful of salad I pulled out was about as much as spoon was designed to hold. Unfortunately it is nearly impossible to dump out any overabundance from deep metal spoon because of their high vertical edges. Not much else to do but take bite. I don’t remember what happened for next 3 minutes. I do remember about 3 minutes later feeling like my head was going to spontaneously combust and that I had probably not been breathing for three minutes prior. Once my eyes rolled back around to front of my head I noticed a very concerned elder offering me a shot of whiskey. This is only second time in evening I refused a drink. Instead I opted for an outstretched glass of BeerLao. After a quick shot of beer I lunged for shot of whiskey and then a glass of diluted whiskey. It’s a pretty amazing situation when a shot of whiskey is smoother than a hot mango salad. In retrospect I should have taken shot first. These guys knew what they were doing. I’m pretty sure Paul had returned by this point to witness my hiccuping frenzy caused by ridiculouslly hot food. The guesthouse was locked and instead of waking up owners twice he opted to come back to party. What a considerate guy! The night progressed in this standard fashion for a while until Pond excused himself from table. Much of rest of table cleared at this point and headed in separate directions. Group #4 hanging out by back bar was still in full stride. It was time for friends and youngsters to take reigns of party. One of 10 or so twenty year olds was strumming a guitar and a variety of other guys were intermittently interjecting lyrics. We weren’t going to leave party without listening to some tunes. After first few songs guitar was extended our way. Paul was always up for hacking out some obscure song that no one in Laos had ever heard of. To be honest unless you knew Betterman by Robbie Williams, a little N’sync or "it’s a hip - a hop - a hip" song they probably would have no clue. Paul broke out a funky upbeat song that got crowd clapping - although at a very different beat than song suggested. Next we broke out Creep and some of guys joined us in singing melancholy mumbling of Radiohead. It was probably loudest we ever sang that song. Pretty soon DJ Jacky Joe was at stereo plugging in burnt CD’s from Malaysia and Thailand. Most of music was completely unfamiliar to me, but there was a couple of compilation CD’s that caught my eye. I recognized 2 songs. The Final Countdown by Europe was first track and I hadn’t passed this song by since 1985; so why start now? The crowd seemed to like my selection based on amount of air guitar I saw being played. Next up was a little "Beat It" by Michael Jackson. Unfortunately this was worst karaoke version of "Beat It" I’ve ever heard. In retrospect complete lack of knowledge of Michael Jackson has got to be a good thing for any society. The party slowly unwound into a sparing match between a 4-foot tall Bruce Lee fanatic and myself. After a few tornado kicks, a mock punch to my nuts and a lot of posturing it was time to go. This experience opened my eyes to a country that first started allowing Westerners to enter in 1989. Our knowledge and experiences are skewed by boundaries and institutions we place ourselves. It was wonderful to escape to a place where those boundaries are outside any field I have ever walked. ©2003 TrekShare LLC - Reprint with Permission.
Joseph Kultgen is co-founder of www.trekshare.com and has been writing the monthly newsletter - TrekNews - for the past 3 years. He is a contributer to STA Travel and Gap literature as well as a co-creator of TrekTV.
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