Traditional Sadness

Written by A.Z. Alfred

Continued from page 1

The names ofrepparttar child do not just come fromrepparttar 137636 parent, but grandparents have to give, at least, a name too. For some children who have great grandparents, then they definitely will get ten names, names they may never remember. Some are lucky to get just two names becauserepparttar 137637 grand parents are dead. The funny thing about some names is that they could be a three in one names.

Not that I’m against someone having a hundred names or a seven in one name, but most Nigerians don’t get jaw friendly names like George Bush, Bill Clinton. (Though his real name is William Jefferson Rogers. Maybe it won’t makerepparttar 137638 presidential seat or sell his book titled My Life.) They (most Nigerians) don’t get memorable names that could sell books.

I overheard a Nigerian traditional chief saying, “ What’srepparttar 137639 meaning of Bush? Jungle or forest? And Gate is what? But a name like Oluwafemi means God loves me. Oluwatoyin means God be praised. Our names are names that makes sense.” I agree with him. Whether a name has a meaning or not is notrepparttar 137640 issue, but how could tradition be so cruel to even have to deciderepparttar 137641 kind of wife or husband to marry or where he or she comes from. For better understanding, I will put myself in a Nigerian’s shoes.

If I have come a long way impressing a girl and finally making her fall in love with me and we’ve talked about how happy we would live together. Then I bring her before my parent, according to tradition, so they could meet my kind of wife, all I might end up hearing is, “she isn’t right for you.” Not that they feel she wouldn’t love me in ten years time. No! I can’t marry her because she is from that tribe, which went into a conflict with my tribe inrepparttar 137642 sixteenth century or I can’t marry her because her past two generations were Muslims. Though she has changed her faith, I still can’t marry her because she was born a Muslim.

I knowrepparttar 137643 Holy Book (Bible) says, “Parents know better,” (Paraphrased) but do they have to inflict onrepparttar 137644 present generationrepparttar 137645 harrowing pains of past conflict hidden in their hearts? Do they have to take away what I am sure would give me happinessrepparttar 137646 rest of my days?

You might say “I could marry her against their will.” Yes, I thought of that. But many who have done that end up miserable in life. Don’t know if it’s some kind of supernatural force behindrepparttar 137647 whole traditional stuff.

And, if I eventually let go of that beautiful girl who never turned out to be my wife and I marry someone else, tradition comes in again if she has no male child. She needs to give me a son that would continuerepparttar 137648 family tree. I might be unmoved by this, but tradition would not forgive her as they expect me to take another wife.

If after years of being married and I pass on at a perceived young age, she would need to cut her hair to her hairline inrepparttar 137649 name of mourning my death. Her punishment for not having a male child is she stands to lose her position as my wife and never gets a pin even if I willed everything to her.

Then if from childhood to adulthood, a child is subjected to tradition, when does he learn to be governed by his heart or mind? When can he or she make a decision that would bring lifetime happiness? I’m still trying to figure that as an adult who is underrepparttar 137650 same tradition.

Coming soon, “Haiku with love” An inspiring poetry collection by A.Z. Alfred. To be published by Author House, USA. for his works and contect or mailto:

A.Z. Alfred is a writer and a motivational speaker whose greatest pleasure is observing the world through a window while listening to inspirational songs.

Poor Little Rabbit: The Runaway Bride

Written by Virginia Bola, PsyD

Continued from page 1

Communication and intelligence-sharing is needed for security purposes but just how deep into our private lives should Big Brother intrude? Personal freedom meansrepparttar freedom to be ourselves, to go wherever, and do whatever, we want as long as it doesn't infringe onrepparttar 137407 rights of others. Do others have, in fact,repparttar 137408 right to know who and where we are?

Look atrepparttar 137409 almost-bride's eyes in every photograph. She looks like a terrified rabbit seeking a way to bolt - and finally she did. Poor little rabbit, you didn't get very far, did you?

The occasional urge to flee, to run off to joinrepparttar 137410 circus, to tie up our goods in a scarf on a stick and set off to seerepparttar 137411 world, tempts all of us at times.

Forget it. You'll be found, brought back, publicly humiliated, and presented with a bill forrepparttar 137412 money it cost to search for you.

No wonder we read books, watch movies, and play games rooted in fantasy. Was it a coincidence that bothrepparttar 137413 George bride andrepparttar 137414 California housewife both headed for Las Vegas,repparttar 137415 ultimate fantasy? We are no longer allowed a life of adventure or exploration, spending our days, as Thoreau envisioned, leading lives of "quiet desperation."

Virginia Bola is a licensed clinical psychologist with deep interests in Social Psychology and politics. She has performed therapeutic services for more than 20 years and has studied the effects of cultural forces and employment on the individual. The author of an interactive workbook, The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a monthly ezine, The Worker's Edge, she can be reached at

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