Rule #7Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Many parents spend time threatening their children when their kids aren’t cooperating. But if you don’t follow through on consequences, you can threaten till cows come home. Your children will learn to ignore threats. They’ll understand action. If certain privileges are taken away because of their lack of cooperation, they’ll learn very quickly that you mean business. Try your best to align consequences with action. ( If you don’t clean your room in time, you won’t have time for stories before bed.)

Rule #8Really Listen to Your Kids

Don’t just hear their words, but learn to understand meaning behind what they say as well. I’m picking my own clothes! might mean that your child wants more responsibility or independence. Be able to reflect back what your child says to you. If you want your child to listen to you, you absolutely must listen to her/him.

Rule #9Give Your Kids Responsibility as They Grow Older

When your kids are very young, maybe they just help make their beds in morning and keep their rooms clean. As they get older, add things to their list. Tell them that this is how a family works…everybody has certain things that they do. If you do it when they’re young it’s more likely they’ll do it when they’re older. Don’t reward them for things that should be expected of them.

Rule #10Tell Your Kids They’re Great All Time

It is especially important to tell them this when they’re not at their best. It’s easy to tell them when things are going well. Make it a point to tell them specifically what you think is great about them. This will be more meaningful than generalized praise.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is author of 25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids, at http://www.markbrandenburg.com

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of 25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids, at http://www.markbrandenburg.com

A large study of teenagers found that as brain develops, it trims away excess cells so that what's left is more efficient. One of last parts of brain to complete this process is prefrontal cortex, which controls planning, judgement, and self-control. Many teen-agers have not experienced "maturation" of this part of their brain.

"[Adolescents] are capable of very strong emotions and very strong passions, but their prefrontal cortex hasn't caught up with them yet. It's as though they don't have brakes that allow them to slow those emotions down," said Charles Nelson, a child psychologist at University of Minnesota.

Researchers say this may help explain often irrational behavior of teenagers: mood swings, and risks they're often too willing to take.

"If I walk into a class of kids who are 14 or 15," said Nelson, "those kids have a level of brain maturity that just does not map onto kinds of emotional decision- making that a lot of those kids are being asked to make by teachers and parents. Added Nelson: "The more teachers and more parents that understand that there is a biological limitation to child's ability to control and regulate emotion, [the more] they might be able to back off a little and be a bit more understanding."

It can be quite easy for us to judge our kids harshly. But when you can begin to enter your child's world and consider developmental limitations that exist, call to a kindler and gentler way is undeniable.

Your kids will continue to make mistakes.

Your job is to stay calm, love them, and gently show them a different way.

And to be thankful that your kids are here to challenge you to become a more patient person.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.