4b. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

3a. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

3b. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

2. Put decaf in coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

1. Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

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I am not owner of a fat Swiss bank account from which to buy you as a treat a diamond studded brooch. Neither am I lucky winner of a lottery, with women that I am yet to meet writing me for marriage. I am just me with nothing to purchase your attention but an open hand.

All I have is a shirt.