6. Your bumper sticker reads: How’s My Driving? Call 1-800- EAT-SH%T ext. AND-DIE.

7. You were banned from Beer & Gun Club.

8. The bulging vein in your forehead pulsates to beat of La Cucaracha.

9. Your idea of a relaxing evening is to kick back with a case of beer and watch glow of bug zapper.

10. Your list of people to get back at is longer than your tax return.

And what about Internet? If a web site takes more than five seconds to load, where are we?

"Did you order that book from Amazon for me?"

"I dunno. But I think I reached warp speed with my clicking finger. Ouch! I think I sprained it."

If fancy TV gadgets and high-speed Internet feed our impatience, what about car ads? Vrroooooommm. See how fast this car can go? Wow. It does zero to 60 in 5.2 seconds ... in ad. And zero to zero in half an hour stuck on Santa Monica Freeway.

As we expect our machines each day to break yesterday's speed record, our cars seem to be slowing to a crawl. That's because more and more people are squeezing onto same road space trying to zoom faster and faster and honking their horns louder and louder (because we all know that cars move faster when their horns get honked, right? Especially when they get honked LONG and LOUD, right?).

Is it just me, or is this poor math? A realist would expect traffic to get a little slower each year, which just proves how rare realists really are. Every one of us expects to move faster and faster.

And I expect bananas on store shelf even when it is snowing outside. So what can we do? Easy, we can grumble and complain. We can shout abusive words at store clerks and other drivers. We can honk our horns (not recommended in fruit section).

Or we can step back and ask ourselves logical questions about what we should realistically expect. For instance, "Can I really expect bananas on my grocer's shelves in middle of winter when I know truck is stuck in traffic?"