Nobody can truly be close to me and not know that Melissa Etheridge sings to my soul. You can't listen to her song Talking to my Angels and not think of me. If you really loved me enough to know me personally, you'd know that they'll be playing her song, This War Is Over at my funeral some day. You'd know that I long to visit Ireland and that I love fairies because I think they're our guardian angels. You'd know about "those two people" that I write these articles and stories for. You'd know what "the Winnebago Years" are all about. You'd know that when I'm really angry and losing control that you need to distract me with something logical to wrap my brain around and I'll suddenly start pulling myself back together. You'd know that lying is my biggest pet peeve.

What do I know about people I love? I know that she doesn't drink caffeine anymore and always orders strawberry lemonades when we go to lunch. I know when he lies to protect me and when he lies to protect himself. I know by look in their eyes, when my children are starting to get sick. I know why she keeps trying to become a vegetarian and why she fails at it. I know that music haunts his soul even though he's stuck working as a salesman. What would I know about you if I loved you enough to really get to know you?

Are we so wrapped up in ourselves, our careers, our own personal schedules and goals that we forget to really connect with our loved ones? When was last time you really checked into hearts and minds of those you profess to love? We all change, grow, evolve. Are they still same people you fell in love with? How would you know? I'm not who I was fifteen or twenty years ago, or even same person I was five years ago. Are you? Are they?

What's greatest gift you can give someone? Your full attention and focus. Take time to really get to know them after all these years. Fall in love with them all over again. Get to know them as if you've just met. Of course you have to honor their secrets, be loyal, don't use information to play power games or to ever belittle them. That destroys trust. Use information to pick out perfect Valentine's gift, to plan perfect vacation, to surprise them with a movie they've never seen but will love, or to simply bring them their coffee with perfect amount of cream and sugar before they even realized that they wanted some.

It can be as simple as asking them, "Tell me about yourself. Tell me what world looks like through your eyes." Create little moments that say 'I love you' by knowing what 'I love you' looks like to them.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

I even bought Joshua a toy that would help him walk…you know like a fancy looking, sound-making, music-playing machine that would crinkle, shake, roll, sing, and make us all mad when it is pushed. Accordingly, this will help encourage child to take one step and then another and then another. Jed never had this toy…yeah, he used same one I bought for Joshua…AFTER he learnt how to walk. Because you see, Joshua walked at around 12 months of age and Jared started walking on his own when he hit 10th month mark. Now, you go figure whether that push-toy thinghy actually worked its magic or not.

Sadly, one of things that I missed out on is fact that I recorded down every single little milestone Joshua passed. Like time, he uttered his first ga-ga, 1st time he crawled on his own, 1st tooth, 1st smile, 1st independent step, 1st wave, 1st everything! I didn’t have time or patience to start ANOTHER list with Jed. With him, I didn’t even notice 1st time he smiled at me that wasn’t a result of wind in tummy.

Sadly, I had only Joshua to care for when I had him…naturally, he was only person I had around when daddy was working. He was my BESTFRIEND, still is. With Jed, kakak has always been around and I am not as powerful an influence on him unless it comes to breast department. By way, he doesn’t call me mommy. He calls me either ‘kakak’, ‘cher-cher’, ‘tar-tar’, or ‘nen-nen’ (milk). Funny being called MILK.

Here’s difference, with Joshua, he was ONE person who filled an emotional void in my empty soul. I didn’t really have a lot of friends then cause all my friends were either looking, hunting, seeking for potential life partners or they didn’t have children. For those who were men hunting, my little boy wasn’t really husband material yet so, my penchant to rattle on and on about my kid was disconcerting to them.

Jed, instead, turns out to have kind of relationship I should have with my child…total adoration and love beyond words. There are no words on this planet that can adequately describe my feelings for this tot. Everything that he does tickles me to no end and he is absolutely kind of baby any mother wants. He is pleasant, outgoing, cheerful, rarely kicks up a fuss, breastfeed ferociously and love shape of my body.

Joshua’s relationship with me was not a mother-son relationship. He was King of my life. Everything his heart desires, I got it for him. If he starts pouting, I would feel rotten all day. He was everything…still is, to me. I wrote him letters to tell him my heartfelt love towards him and spends almost close to RM1,000 printing conventional photographs. With Jared, I got smarter. I invested in a digital camera and started taking pictures of him like there’s no tomorrow and turns out, I don’t have to spend a single cent on printing photos of my kid….and I still get to keep memories of his childhood!!!

When I said paranoia is a symptom of a new parent, I mean it with all my heart. You don’t have to answer me but answer this yourself. Did you check for your baby’s pulse every half and hour when he was sleeping? If he was sick, did you keep yourself awake and towel him every 2 hours or so? If yes, then you have just confirmed my theory. Insanity is something every new parent will go through.

But it’s only temporary, don’t worry. I would like to think I am sane now. If you’re a new parent yourself, I look forward to speaking to you in person when you’re saner.