You can also think of a friend having acted as you did. Imagine how you'd feel towards them -- how you'd still love them and readily forgive them if there was anything to forgive. You probably wouldn't even find it bothersome! Try to feel that same love and compassion for yourself.

* Recognize that love has to come from you.

If you're a survivor of child abuse or come from a dysfunctional family, you may still be waiting for a parent to give you love and acceptance you never got as a child. But kind of love you need (or needed as a child) probably isn't going to come from a parent who abused you or who looked other way while you were being abused. But it can come from yourself.

It can be hard to give it to yourself at first -- after all, if you didn't receive love as a child, or if some of that love was torn away from you by violence, self-hate may have built up inside you. But you have courage and strength to love yourself, if you've survived this long. And you do deserve it!

So try to connect to that little child inside, that child who deserves all of your love and acceptance.

* Use Affirmations

I know this might sound corny - but if you hear good things about yourself over and over, you can't help but have some of it sink in.

Write out strong, loving things to say to yourself, even if you don't fully believe them. Some examples are: o "I utterly and completely deserve love and kindness," o "I am a very loveable person," o "I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, and wise." (or substitute words for loving words that you feel best suit you.

Now put up those affirmations in places you'll see them every day -- on fridge, on bathroom mirror, on your bedside table, next to your favourite chair, on kitchen wall next to where you cook your food or eat a meal. Don't forget to read them.

If you're not comfortable having them up in such public places, then write out a bunch of them (or copies of a few) and put them in places you'll find them -- in your jacket or jeans pocket, in a book you're reading or a favourite book, in your desk drawer, in with your clothes. They're little love notes to yourself. In fact, you may want to do both things -- have them up and also hidden in places where you'll find them.

When you read an affirmation, read it slowly, and really let yourself feel it. Don't just say it by rote. Try to let yourself be there as fully as you can.

You might want to look at some of my online affirmation cards for examples.

* Recognize Self-Critical Messages -- and Talk to Them

It's easy to let old, critical voices and messages that we heard as a child play over and over in our minds, without stopping them. Often we may barely recognize that they are there, or we don't really listen to them, we've heard them so often -- but they continue to impact how we feel and think about ourselves.

Try noticing next time you hear a small (or very loud) voice inside your head criticize you. Be aware of what it is saying to you, and try to talk to it. Ask it why it feels it needs to say those things. Is that part of you trying to protect you, in some child-like logic? Or perhaps that part of you felt it had to take on messages you heard as a kid. Remind that part of you that you no longer need to do that to survive. You are free to make up your own mind about yourself.

* Counteract Negative or Critical Thoughts About Yourself

Write down all negative or critical thoughts and messages you hear inside your head. See if you can figure out who first said them to you (or said something of that nature). Then write out a response that counteracts each of those messages, one by one. Make counter messages as strong and loving as you can.

If you're having trouble writing out counter messages, see if you can connect to a deep, wise part inside of you. Or write out what you would say to a friend if a friend said those things about her/himself.

* Do Comforting and Nurturing Things For Yourself

Allow yourself to do comforting and nurturing things for yourself. Let yourself feel how good you feel when you do those things -- and tell yourself that you deserve to feel that way, to feel good. Gradually you'll find that more nurturing and comforting times you have, more you'll seek them out -- and they will help build a good feeling inside you.

* Ask Yourself What You Need to Do

Some of these things will work really well for you, while others may not quite fit you. So try taking a moment to get quiet, and ask yourself, "What can I do to help myself feel more compassion and love toward myself?" Don't force an answer -- just let answer bubble up from inside you. If you find it hard to hear answer that way, try writing out your question, and then your answer. See what you come up with. You know best what works for you -- and you have great wisdom inside you.

Above all -- have compassion for yourself and for where you're at. Remember that you are a truly loveable person -- and that you deserve only kind treatment, especially from yourself. :)

© Cheryl Rainfield, 2001 http://www.CherylRainfield.com

"You make me sound like an idiot."

"You are an idiot because you won't do anything to help yourself. You just keep on saying ‛No',' and every ‛No', makes it harder to say ‛Yes'."

"So what am I supposed to do? Go out and be miserable?"

"No. Go out and grow up. Stop taking easy road. The next time you're asked to a party, meeting, church service or some other type of gathering, think before saying ‛No.' Ask yourself, "If I were Mr. or Ms. Glad-Hand Personality, would I enjoy this outing?" If yes...say ‛Yes', to experience.

"When you dress for occasion, dress your attitude. Decide to find out everything you can about people you meet. Doing so will help take focus off you and put it where it belongs, on others. You don't have to act like a reporter from Expose Magazine. Just be interested and listen. Really listen. People will think you're a great conversationist."

"And what happens when I get stuck with classic bore who insists on telling me his life story in infinite detail?"

"Why just smile gently and say, "Excuse me, but I notice hostess has a bra strap showing. I'm certain she'd appreciate hearing about it."

"Cute. But not exactly what I'd call an appropriate exit line."

"Fine. Then preplan your own. There's nothing in rule book that says you have to drown in someone else's verbal excess. Any excuse offered with a smile will do. Sometimes bore won't even notice you've left."

"All right. I'll try it. I'll call Johnsons and tell them I changed my mind. But I expect you to help with suggestions if I run out of things to say or ask."

"Count on me. I'll never be more than a breath away." ___________________________ ______________

Read more nagging ‛i-mails' at http://www.dougcgrant.com . And be among first to read each new chapter in continuing i-mail saga. Subscribe free to EMPOWERED MATURITY PAGE. No obligation, ever. And you can unsubscribe anytime. Join fun and give your life a self-improvement kick on a regular basis. Subscribe by clicking this e-mail link: mailto:empoweredpage@smartautoresponder.com Do it now. Don't miss next nagging i-mail from Other-Self.