At age of twenty two after about eleven months of sheer hard work and practice I managed to overcome stutter and I now help other people who stutter to achieve fluency as well as helping people with confidence problems.

For more information about how I overcame stutter please refer to http://www.stammering-stuttering.co.uk or contact me for an information pack.

MY LACK OF BELIEF

I always had a lack of belief in certain areas.

I would notice a female in a bar for example and would want to go over and talk to her but would have negative attitude of I’m not good enough, why would she be interested in me? I stutter, I have a bald patch, I have a menial job and I am very thin.

Even if I approach her and am successful, I would then be expected to buy her a drink, possibly phone her, possibly meet her parents, and maybe even get married! The thought of attempting these things with a stutter and with a lack of social confidence was far too daunting for me.

I left school at sixteen mainly due to a lack of confidence and stutter, but then had problem of finding a job. Again my lack of belief came shining through. Who would want to employ somebody with a stutter, who has a lack of confidence and who is shy around people?

MY CAREER

After leaving school at age of sixteen I now had to find employment. Suffering with a stutter and a general lack of confidence meant that work involving phone or regular interaction with other people were not really an option.

I decided that I could probably cope with filing duties in an office and eventually gained a position at an insurance company.

I started at lowest grade, a grade two and work was routine and mundane. The average time to stay at this level before being promoted was six months. The grade three post involved sharing a phone and this is something I found very difficult to use.

To become upgraded you had to apply in writing to personal officer and then if you passed interview were then promoted. My attitude was that if I don’t apply I would stay as a grade two, which is what I wanted. I was probably only person in country who did not want to be promoted.

My boss would ask me at regular intervals why I was not applying and I would make up an excuse. To keep him happy I took insurance exams. After three years I had completed first qualification which was a set of five exams. To my horror my boss congratulated me by stating that he was upgrading me to a grade three starting Monday without need of an interview.

This promotion should in effect have given me a confidence boost however with my stutter out of control under pressure and some of my colleagues mocking me I became more and more withdrawn and depressed.

I would be invited to social events and would make up excuses of why I could not go as I had a lack of belief that I could cope with occasion and all socialising involved.

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As you read these, if you ASSUME that one or more of them is what everyone wants, you particularly need to pay attention, because in actuality it’s amazing what people do want and expect that other people don’t.

It’s important to know what you want, and then to observe person you’re considering marrying. Tom, for instance, primarily wanted a homemaker and recreational playmate from a wife. Middle-aged, he fell in love with a woman in her mid-30s who had never been married. This should have been a red-flag that domestic life probably wasn’t what she was interested in. Once married, she became ardently interested in a career, since he provided her opportunity to get further education, and as she turned her focus there, all hopes of recreational companionship for Tom vanished. She, on other hand, had expected emotionally oriented conversation from him (openness), and joint accelerating career and financial goals. To him, “she never cooked or cleaned house.” To her, “he just wanted to play.”

It is devastating when we love someone and find out too late they aren’t interested in same things. It is hard to trade off meeting needs that really aren’t felt and enjoyed, and accommodation isn’t always possible, i.e., you either are faithful or you aren’t, you either want kids or you don’t. If you want financial support from a man, it’s best to find one who really loves to make money. If you want physical affection from a woman, it’s best to find one who can’t keep her hands off you. These things can’t be faked, but, sometimes, when falling in love, we fool ourselves and therefore fool other person.

Issues can become clouded during courtship, especially when there is sex too soon. Physical intimacy causes those wonderful chemicals that cloud our thinking, and start bonding process. We can start to need and want a person who ultimately may not be able to meet our marital needs.

Take some time to envision carefully what you want marriage to look like. Observe person you have in mind in different situations. For instance, Tom might have noticed, if he hadn’t been so “in love,” that his partner didn’t know how to cook and was never at home. She, on other hand, might have noticed most of his time and enthusiasm went into his recreation, and that he was content with his job and financial situation way they were.

Nothing is insurmountable, but you increase your chances by being mindful at outset. Couples survive infertility of one when they both wanted children, and a spouse can learn to verbalize, or make physical, affection they feel, if they want to please, but couch potato and amateur athlete who marry will can’t accommodate, and career-driven women won’t be happy baking bread and being available for tennis games.