Addictive pursuits give us something to do that relieves tension, but it’s not doing what needs to be done to address situation. It fills time and provides “busy-ness” but when it’s over, worry returns because problem hasn’t been addressed. It’s a misuse of emotional intelligence to consider that activity has made you “feel good,” So does cocaine, temporarily. Feeling good as a state of being requires facing problems and addressing them.

When Shelley’s had her nicotine and cleaned house, she’ll still have to face what to do about her financial situation because she’s done nothing about it but avoid it. Sam will return from another 3-day escape into sailing tanned and muscular and he will still be trapped in an unresolved situation that’s sapping his energy. Antonio will have a great evening with his latest mistress which will take his mind off his problems, but it’s only temporary euphoria, not same as knowing you’ve taken care of business and your life is in order. At end of their time-outs, they will feel worse about themselves and about their situation for having run from it.

Emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. Take a look at what you do when you start to worry and get some outside feedback such as coaching. Is it a realistic worry? Have you made a plan to address root of it? Have you taken first step, which is hardest? Have you gotten emotional side of it handled?

Worry is a waste of time and treating it with an addictive activity or substance is adding insult to injury. It will always be easier in short-term to ruminate and then grab a piece of chocolate or numb your mind with alcohol, but in long run you’ll end up with a new problem on top of old one. If you recognize this as a pattern in your life, are you ready to try something different?

It need only be for a second. We are not suggesting you drift off in middle of an important meeting for minutes or hours. Just detach yourself from what is going on around you, think of your peaceful place and quickly refresh yourself. Quickly taking pressure out of a situation. Quickly avoiding that damaging argument. Listening to yourself will ensure that you don’t get dragged into thoughts and a words that you will regret. It gives you time to think before you open your mouth.

We are not suggesting for one moment that you change your personality and become an apathetic person who is happy to let world go by. The world needs people who are focussed on success and want to achieve all they can in their lifetime. All we are saying is that this method is a way of recharging your batteries. It stops you from getting overloaded and exploding or draining your batteries to such an extent that you damage yourself and make yourself ill. This is an aid memoir to assist you to strive on.

It is a way of giving yourself what you need to be successful in world. When all appears to be against you. When you don’t know which way to turn. When you find you are out of control. When you are about to reach for yet another drink to get you through day. Stop. Go inside and just listen. Please.

Graham and Julie www.desktop-meditation.com