6. To top of porch! To top of wall! Now dash away! Dash away

Make your wants and needs known. If you want your husband to help with tree, tell him. Most people prefer to be told what to do, not how. If you want your daughter to finish her Christmas gifts by a certain time, tell her. If you want an electric appliance for Christmas, say you. You won't always get what you want, but you'll never get it if you don't ask and then make it clear.

7. His eyes--how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And beard on his chin was as white as snow.

Emotionally intelligent people use descriptive metaphors and similes in their speech. They tell stories, use myths, and draw on pictures to get information across in ways that touch other people. 8. He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.

A sense of humor can be saving grace during holidays. Emotions are contagious, so you be one to laugh like a jolly old elf, and watch others laugh in spite of themselves. Under pressure, humor works better than yelling.

9. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

We all wonder and worry about other people. Use a wink of an eye and a twist of a head -- and lots of other nonverbal expressions and gestures -- to let people know what you're like, how you feel, and who you are, so they can relax. It eases tension, saves a lot of exploratory time, and makes effective leaders -- whether CEOS or Moms or Dads.

10. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all stockings, then turned with a jerk.

Here it is again -- intentionality. Speak not a word, but go straight to your work! No randomness allowed. Be honest about your motivations. If you intend to have a happy Christmas, then have one. If you intend to have an unhappy one and be stressed, irritable, unpleasant, spend too much and pick fights with relatives, have one; but don't be sloppy and have a bad one when you intended to have a Merry one.

Then you and those around you can exclaim:

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

My many years raising funds for charities gave me a unique opportunity to see it’s really true – it’s giver who gets gift. It is great fun to sit down and think about who really needs some help.

++Mita’s husband is in Iraq. Babysit for her one Saturday so she can go shop for kids and have lunch out with a friend.

++Give a Christmas party for kids down at shelter. (Tip: Buy very best candy, stuff you'd buy for yourself, not cheap bag stuff. The difference will be all yours.)

++Make homemade dog biscuits and deliver them to animal shelter.

++If you’re of another faith, volunteer to staff homeless shelter Christmas Eve, or to staff hospital ER Christmas Day.

++Put a jinglebell collar on your lovable Lab and take her to nursing home.

++Call dear octogenarian at your church and make a date to take her for a drive to look at Christmas lights and enjoy a little hot chocolate and Russian tea cakes with you afterwards.

8. Find sacred moments and don’t be afraid to cry.

The joyous part we talk about, but when you sit down finally at end of a long day in your rocker in front of beautiful Christmas tree to rest for a moment and enjoy beauty, and put on your Luciano Pavorotti video and listen to him sing that duet with his arm around that precious little boy who looks up at him as he hits high notes, innocently and easily, as little boys do, and tears well up as you remember such a little boy who now has whiskers on his cheeks and is 6’2” and has a little boy of his own, let them. It’s an emotional time. That’s what memories are made of.

9. Love Scrooges

They are there and you will hear them. There are people for whom there’s always something wrong with something, and this is just next “something.” Same issue, new venue. Get your mantras ready. Here’s one I use, with my big holiday smile – “That’s okay. I’ll enjoy it for you then, and get twice as much fun out of it!” As if it were a zero-sum universe!

10. It isn’t an intellectual debate.

You’ll hear it -- Should someone who isn’t “Christian” celebrate Christmas? Should we also do Hanukkah? Have we materialized Christmas so it has lost its meaning? Will we offend someone? Is it a “religious” celebration or is it “secular”? My answer to this is, I’m at peace with my maker and my fellow man in my heart, I understand my way is not only way, I see that nearly every culture celebrates something this time of year for a reason (see topten BD322, http://www.topten.org/public/BD/BD322.html ) and why on earth would you pass up any opportunity, ever, to celebrate, spread joy, enjoy one another, give and receive, eat, drink and be merry, and yes, worship?? Whatever face it wears, bring it on!

Kwanzaa’s cool for me. Would I pass up a chance to celebrate unity, self-determination, collective work and responsiblity, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity and faith? Hey, count me in!