7. Pec Rockets - Set pec deck machine with far too much weight for you to handle safely. Make sure you are very sweaty and slippery before attempting this one. First, use your entire bodyweight to get one arm pad up to front. Then, throw yourself at other one to get it to front. Hold them there for a half-second then get shot four feet out across floor as you squirt from machine like a greased banana.

8. Rush-Hour Bench Press - This exercise is done on vertical seated chest press machine that has a foot pedal to help raise weight to starting position. Use this pedal at bottom of every single rep to bounce weight back up. Your footwork will resemble that of someone in rush-hour traffic going from 0 to 60 to 0 every 3 seconds.

9. Close-Grip, Behind-The-Neck Shoulder Press - Sit in a shoulder press station, gripping bar overhead with about 6 inches between your hands. Bring bar down directly behind your head. Be sure to lean forward 45 degrees and round your back over so that your shoulder joints and lower back each get their fair share of trauma.

10. C.P.R. Bench Press - Start by loading your safe maximum bench press weight onto bar. Now add 20 more pounds just to be safer. Have your spotter lift bar off rack for you. Lower it 2 inches on your own power then allow it to drop and cave in your rib cage. Be sure your spotter is a strong deadlifter before attempting this exercise as you will need them to pull bar off you at bottom of every rep. When your spotter has pulled bar off you after first rep and is trying to put it back on racks, yell out "I’ve got six more reps!"

Remember that this is just a small sample of things I have actually seen people doing. Please be sure when you do your exercises that you take time to learn proper form and, if you do see someone performing an exercise that is potentially harmful, tactfully assist them.

For more information about exercise technique and errors, go to

http://www.fitstep.com/Library/Exercises/Exercises.htm

Please don’t try to put money into this machine. It’s for working your abdominals. You will never, EVER get a Nestle’s Crunch bar out of it.

7. Even though gym has stair machines, it is not required by law to have elevator machines.

Please stop asking about this at reception desk.

8. Pick up after your dog when you walk him on treadmill.

No explanation necessary.

9. If you have a habit of spraying spit when you lift, ensure there is no one in your target area.

It’s bad enough that mirrors by squat rack look like a St. Bernard shook himself in front of them.

10. Do not give yourself C.P.R. when doing bench presses.

Bouncing bar heavily off your ribcage instead of pressing it properly may cause damage to bar and voids warranty on bench. Besides that, you don’t want your spotter feeling as though he’s dribbling a barbell down court do you?

11. Beer and/or liquor in your water bottle are prohibited.

Unless, of course, you bring enough for everybody. This also goes for mochaccinos, frappaccinos, and anything with an umbrella in it.

12. Use rowing machine at your own risk.

If it sinks, there are no lifeguards on duty.

Following these rules to best of your ability will ensure a pleasant exercise experience for everyone.

Thank you.