Eventually, mind lets go of all various things it thinks it wants to say, since it begins to understand that it cannot speak just yet. In that mental release, new understanding is possible. I learned about Talking Stick through Lakota friends. I am deeply grateful for this knowledge, and feel use of this Sacred Tool has enriched my life.

If you really want to gain fullest benefit from relationships you have chosen at this time, make a Talking Stick and use it. You can find a special stick in woods, use a length of cane, or any other natural item. Personalize it with spiritual medicine that represents both you and your partner (and children, if you have any--they should be in family circles and listened to as closely as you will be learning to listen to each other). You can add feathers, crystals, stones, sprigs of sage, etc. If you'd like further guidance, in creating Talking Stick according to Native-American tradition, seek guidance of a teacher of Native-American ancestry.

Though it may be challenging at first, to let someone speak without need to interrupt or respond, you will find that it becomes more and more a way of communicating, even when stick is not present. The more you use it, more you will learn about patience and more you will discover about those closest to you and also, about yourself.

I've often thought that it would be a perfect world if we could all walk as if each person, at all times, carried a Talking Stick.

4. Don't try to change yourself to "fit" into a relationship.

You will not be able to attract your ideal partner by knowing what men/women want in a relationship and trying to provide it. If you know what you want and what you can give in a relationship, you will connect with a partner who is a natural fit for you. Look deep within yourself to find out what you want in a relationship and what you can give.

5. Assess communication in your relationships.

There are three questions to ask yourself regarding communication in a relationship, whether you are just dating someone, are in a new relationship or in an established one.

1) Can you talk to your partner honestly and openly about your feelings, needs and wants and can he or she hear you and respond? 2) Can two of you make corrections in your relationship when necessary? 3) Do two of you have more communication and problem solving than drama?

If your answer to these three is "yes," two of you have necessary beginning of building a wonderful relationship.

If you are answer is no, you need to consider stepping up communication. A really good relationship, satisfying to both partners, always has excellent communication as one of its cornerstones.

Browse my newsletter archives online for many articles on this topic: http://www.whatittakes.com/Archives.

These suggestions are your first steps for improving your ability to attract your ideal mate and build your ideal relationship. Next week, read second half of my most popular personal development recommendations for attracting and sustaining a healthy, long-term relationship.

Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries www.WhatItTakes.com

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"