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We all respond to our feelings and feelings we pick up from others much more than we consciously realize. These feelings push and pull us, most don’t know why they go where they do, but yet they do go. Your work is to become conscious of energies at play in your life and romantic relationships give you plenty of chances to generate widest variety of feelings.
Negativity that you feel towards your partner will be noticed. Most people are not aware enough to turn away from this negativity so you are likely to arouse similar negativities within them or push them away from you if they do not wish to engage in them.
If your partner did something you did not like, of course you will feel bad. But solution, answer to desire that is born from that event, comes from focusing on what you do desire. You don’t do battle with problem, you turn away from it and walk towards what you do want.
One day I was in my girlfriend’s kitchen preparing a meal (we’ll call her Shelia). I put a skillet on burner and turned it onto high to preheat it.
Shelia came in and upon seeing skillet being heated with nothing in it became angry. “You’re going to ruin my pans! Don’t do that!” she snapped as she turned heat off.
I was in a particularly clear space at that point in time and I decided to try turning her anger into love. I focused on many things about her that I loved and appreciated. I focused on some of nice vacations we had taken together and on feelings of making love with her.
I said nothing in my defense nor did anything else. Shelia said a few more derogatory words and then left room. When meal was ready I went to get her. She then blasted me with a few choice things from our past.
Here is where so many relationships go wrong. As you can see Sheila was still holding on to past issues. There is this accumulation process that most people do when something hurts them, they hang on to it and when other painful events occur at later times those old hurts also come to foreground and receive focus. Even though I know how destructive this can be, I still catch myself doing it.
Sheila was focusing on what she did not want, not on what she did want. There was only one bad thing that happened yet she multiplied it into at least five other things. Thus increasing intensity of her bad experience.
What affect would Sheila’s actions have had on you? I could feel it draw a very defensive and negative energy out of me. This is a great example of creation process in action.
I was determined to keep my good feeling state of mind. I reached for better feeling thoughts about Sheila. I realized that she was already annoyed at kangaroos that were eating new grass she had just planted. I knew of other things had gone bad for her that day too. So I could understand how she got so angry when she discovered empty skillet I was overheating. These thoughts gave me compassion for her.
I also reminded myself that I am a good partner. I treat her well. I am only trying to make lunch for us both. I have done nothing wrong. All of these thoughts helped me to feel better about myself and remain centered. Rather than defend myself I said to Sheila, “These things have no bearing on this incident. In fact we have already sorted them out. Please, let’s go and enjoy a nice meal together.”
I continued to hold thoughts of good times with Shelia. It was not even an hour later that whole energy between us changed. We had a very nice and romantic connection for rest of day. Things like this used to cause us many hours or even days of disconnection. I am certain that shift I made in my energy made difference in this case.
So often people think that romance in their life is due to things they do. I know it is easy to believe this. However, if your actions are not in alignment with your thoughts and feelings then you are only wasting your energy and cutting yourself off from your Source.
There are many books that teach you how to re-kindle love you once knew. They are full of great techniques and ideas. These are very helpful, but actions you take must be inspired actions; inspired by love and appreciation you have for your partner. So keep seeking out those things to admire and appreciate in your partner and in yourself.
Michael Skowronski is a spiritually oriented Life Coach and Counselor. He offers the free “Walk On Water” ezine and sells the “Facts of Life” ecourse from his http://gr8wisdom.com website. Michael also offers Teleclasses and an Apprenticeship Group. Please email comments or questions to mailto:Michael@gr8Wisdom.com.