The Roots of Pedophilia

Written by Sam Vaknin

Continued from page 1

The pedophile isrepparttar guru atrepparttar 105765 center of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his "partner". He feels entitled to adulation and special treatment by his child-mate. He punishesrepparttar 105766 wayward andrepparttar 105767 straying lambs. He enforces discipline.

The child finds himself in a twilight zone. The pedophile imposes on him a shared psychosis, replete with persecutory delusions, "enemies", mythical narratives, and apocalyptic scenarios if he is flouted. The child is renderedrepparttar 105768 joint guardian of a horrible secret.

The pedophile's control is based on ambiguity, unpredictability, fuzziness, and ambient abuse. His ever-shifting whims exclusively define right versus wrong, desirable and unwanted, what is to be pursued and what to be avoided. He alone determines rights and obligations and alters them at will.

The typical pedophile is a micro-manager. He exerts control overrepparttar 105769 minutest details and behaviors. He punishes severely and abuses withholders of information and those who fail to conform to his wishes and goals.

The pedophile does not respectrepparttar 105770 boundaries and privacy ofrepparttar 105771 (often reluctant and terrified) child. He ignores his or her wishes and treats children as objects or instruments of gratification. He seeks to control both situations and people compulsively.

The pedophile acts in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes often. He alternates between emphasizingrepparttar 105772 minutest faults (devalues) and exaggeratingrepparttar 105773 looks, talents, traits, and skills (idealizes) ofrepparttar 105774 child. He is wildly unrealistic in his expectations – which legitimizes his subsequent abusive conduct.

Narcissistic pedophiles claim to be infallible, superior, talented, skillful, omnipotent, and omniscient. They often lie and confabulate to support these unfounded claims and to justify their actions. Most pedophiles suffer from cognitive deficits and reinterpret reality to fit their fantasies.

In extreme cases,repparttar 105775 pedophile feels aboverepparttar 105776 law – any kind of law. This grandiose and haughty conviction leads to criminal acts, incestuous or polygamous relationships, and recurrent friction withrepparttar 105777 authorities.

V. The pedophile regards sex with children as an ego-booster

Subteen children are, by definition, "inferior". They are physically weaker, dependent on others forrepparttar 105778 fulfillment of many of their needs, cognitively and emotionally immature, and easily manipulated. Their fund of knowledge is limited and their skills restricted. His relationships with children buttressrepparttar 105779 pedophile's twin grandiose delusions of omnipotence and omniscience. Compared to his victims,repparttar 105780 pedophiles is alwaysrepparttar 105781 stronger,repparttar 105782 wiser,repparttar 105783 most skillful and well-informed.

VI. Sex with children guarantees companionship

Inevitably,repparttar 105784 pedophile considers his child-victims to be his best friends and companions. Pedophiles are lonely, erotomanic, people.

The pedophile believes that he is in love with (or simply loves)repparttar 105785 child. Sex is merely one way to communicate his affection and caring. But there are other venues.

To show his keen interest,repparttar 105786 common pedophile keeps callingrepparttar 105787 child, dropping by, writing e-mails, giving gifts, providing services, doing unsolicited errands "onrepparttar 105788 kid's behalf", getting into relationships withrepparttar 105789 preteen's parents, friends, teachers, and peers, and, in general, making himself available (stalking) at all times. The pedophile feels free to make legal, financial, and emotional decisions forrepparttar 105790 child.

The pedophile intrudes onrepparttar 105791 victim's privacy, disrespectsrepparttar 105792 child's express wishes and personal boundaries and ignores his or her emotions, needs, and preferences. Torepparttar 105793 pedophile, "love" means enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety (fear of being abandoned).

Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even outright hostile actions convincerepparttar 105794 erotomaniac thatrepparttar 105795 child not in love with him. He knows better and will makerepparttar 105796 world seerepparttar 105797 light as well. The child and his guardians are simply unaware of what is good forrepparttar 105798 kid. The pedophile determinedly sees it as his or her task to bring life and happiness intorepparttar 105799 child's dreary and unhappy existence.

Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence torepparttar 105800 contrary,repparttar 105801 pedophile is convinced that his feelings are reciprocated - in other words, thatrepparttar 105802 child is equally infatuated with him or her. He interprets everythingrepparttar 105803 child does (or refrains from doing) as coded messages confessing to and conveyingrepparttar 105804 child's interest in and eternal devotion torepparttar 105805 pedophile and torepparttar 105806 "relationship".

Some (by no means all) pedophiles are socially-inapt, awkward, schizoid, and suffer from a host of mood and anxiety disorders. They may also be legitimately involved withrepparttar 105807 child (e.g., stepfather, former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling) - or with his parents (for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night stand, colleagues or co-workers). They are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and all-pervasive fantasies.

Consequently, pedophiles react badly to any perceived rejection by their victims. They turn on a dime and become dangerously vindictive, out to destroyrepparttar 105808 source of their mounting frustration. Whenrepparttar 105809 "relationship" looks hopeless, some pedophiles violently embark on a spree of self-destruction.

Pedophilia is to some extent a culture-bound syndrome, defined as it is byrepparttar 105810 chronological age ofrepparttar 105811 child involved. Ephebophilia, for instance -repparttar 105812 exclusive sexual infatuation with teenagers - is not considered to be a form of pedophilia (or even paraphilia).

In some cultures, societies and countries (Afghanistan, for instance)repparttar 105813 age of consent is as low as 12. The marriageable age in Britain untilrepparttar 105814 end ofrepparttar 105815 nineteenth century was 10. Pedophilia is a common and socially-condoned practice in certain tribal societies and isolated communities (the Island of Pitcairn).

It would, therefore, be wise to redefine pedophilia as an attraction to or sexual acts with prepubescent children or with people ofrepparttar 105816 equivalent mental age (e.g., retarded) in contravention of social, legal, and cultural accepted practices.

Sam Vaknin ( ) is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, and eBookWeb , and Bellaonline, and as a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent. He is the the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.

Why People Overcommit

Written by Tara Renee Settembre

Continued from page 1

“Ideally, I’ll get more done because I won’t have classes,” she said. Likerepparttar study’s participants, she believesrepparttar 105764 future is nearly “limitless.” But on reflection, she conceded “That’s probablyrepparttar 105765 problem.”

Zauberman says that although surveyed participants believed that both time and money would be more available to them in “a month” than “today,” they believed it more strongly for time than for money. He believes people are less optimistic when it comes to their finances and are more aware of their expenses because of planned payments like reoccurring monthly bills.

“Money is more planned, but time is less predictable” he says. “You deal with expenditures of money more regularly but things come up that you never plan.”

Kaufman says she can plan her finances well, but admits that she tends to overbook social events not realizing that she will most likely be equally busy inrepparttar 105766 future too.

“You never really know how long something is going to take, and it usually takes longer than you expected,” she observed.

Ghada Khalil, 27, an NYU graduate student of media studies has a different take. She feels that atrepparttar 105767 current moment,repparttar 105768 things you are doing seem dull. She thinksrepparttar 105769 future offersrepparttar 105770 promise of excitement.

"The idea ofrepparttar 105771 future gives me hope, sometimes being inrepparttar 105772 now is not exciting," she said while sitting in a student lounge and coincidently writing a to-do list for her class work.

The actual study appears inrepparttar 105773 Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Vol. 134, No. 1

Tara is currently going for her masters degree in journalism at NYU and working in PR. She freelances articles for tri-state publications and writes a daily blog, When Tara Met Blog

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