The Quest for Intimacy and Passion: Challenges for the ACDWritten by Kenneth A. Sprang and Carol Sprang, MA, RNC, LCPC
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The option of cohabitation and availability of divorce as an option also impact our attitude toward marriage. Adult children of divorce are more likely to prefer cohabitation to marriage or to say they do not want to marry in future. Yet we ACD’s are more likely to put ourselves in situations that promote marriage, such as cohabitation. The most significant finding of study is that ACD’s are much more concerned with intimacy and loyalty as well as passion in relationships than are adults from intact families. Consequently, our expectations are sometimes unrealistic. We did not see a good marriage model, so we have created one in our imagination. The picture may be lovely, but it is not necessarily realistic. On other hand, study found that ACD’s often demonstrate residual strength and maturity and empathy for others borne of their family divorce experience. As Winston Churchill observed, "The farther back you can look, farther forward you are likely to see." Armed with that awareness and our residual strength, we can begin to change our patterns and create a new vision, to live our lives differently. One of things that draws us to use of Imago Relationship Therapy in our counseling and coaching practice, is that Imago allows persons in committed relationships to heal childhood wounds, whether from divorce or some other source. It is a priceless tool for creating new vision. Divorce is a terrible, painful thing. Yet I know that sometimes it is only available resolution to a relationship in conflict. Perhaps with growing knowledge and understanding of some of vulnerabilities that challenge us as adult children of divorce, we can move forward and experience healing. Perhaps we can even begin to reverse divorce statistic.
Kenneth Sprang, MA, JD, and Carol Sprang, MA, RNC direct Bethesda-Chevy Chase Counseling & Consulting in Bethesda, offering Imago Relationship Therapy, relationship and executive coaching, individual and couples coaching and counseling, and business consulting services. (301) 907-3377. ken@singlestosoulmates.com. http://www.singlestosoulmates.com or http://www.bcccounseling.com
| | Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?Written by Allie Ochs
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Whatever case may have been in hunting-and-gathering societies of past, today we are all hunting for same things. Men and women alike are hunting for love, happiness, validation and prosperity, and are gathering whatever they feel is necessary to achieve this. Now, more than at any other time, men and women need each other in pursuit of these common goals. Do we really think that investing in gender stereotyping encourages successful relationships? Today, both sexes seek to be loved and accepted, instead of being labeled. Do we really think that lovers connect, because they have figured out their gender differences? Love flourishes when both move beyond gender differences and rejoice in their commonalities. True love is based on mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity all of which promote human potential of both sexes and allow for interaction without judgment. Men and women are indeed living as if they are from different planets and often do not connect intimately as human beings. Gender differences have been analyzed to death, and we may never be able to understand a man or woman. However, we will always be able to understand and respect a human being once we realize that we are all human beings first and men or women second. Inside each of us, men and women alike, lies a vulnerable soul, desire to love and be loved, need to be validated, respected and to feel important. Regardless of gender, deep down we all have a fragile ego that often feels inferior. Recognizing that both sexes have many of same vulnerabilities and strengths is key to men and women relating to one another on a human level. We need to free each other from gender roles that society has cast upon us and start focusing on ties that bind us. The commonalities between men and women are so much greater than their differences. As we change our attitudes towards each other, we will be able to relate to one another on common ground. Lasting love is only possible when we appreciate that our focus on gender differences has been of great disservice. For any relationship to become a stable and lasting anchor in our lives, we must learn to give up our pride and unrealistic expectations of each other. If we are to find true love in this misunderstood world of males and females, we must stop trying to figure out opposite gender and focus on human being inside.
© 2005 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and the Author of “Are You Fit To Love?” ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Her articles are published in numerous magazines and newsletters. She has appeared on radio and TV. To order her book or to take the Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website at www.fit2love.com. For FREE relationship/dating advice e-mail: askallie@fit2love.com
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