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5. If you have any leverage over
person, use it.
Document, and deal with hard consequences immediately. The sooner you nip it in bud, better. I’ve seen it work to say, “Some day you’re going to need my help on something. I’d suggest you cooperate with me so when you need my help, it will be there.”
6. When you must give this person an assignment (but are not their direct supervisor), ask them directly about results. “This must be completed by noon on Thursday. Will you have it ready then?” Wait for a “yes” or a “no.”
7. Keep your head clear to circumvent mind games.
Though they don't intentionally mean to be harmful, they intentionally are doing behavior they are that's aggravating. I so often hear clients say, after a long lament about circumstances and how they were “done in,” “But they’re a good person. I know they didn’t mean to do that.” Unfortunately, yes they DID “mean to do that.” The catch is, they may not be mindful of what they’re doing; in fact usually they are not. It's a self-protective mode, where they're focused on themselves.
So direct confrontation doesn’t work. They can deny all day long, and will have plenty of excuses. 8. Don’t think you can change them.
If they know they have protection, they have no motivation to change. This is a deeply ingrained personality trait and you aren’t going to be one to change what it took years to develop. That doesn’t mean you have to lower your own standards and treat them poorly; it just means you need to conserve your time and energy.
9. Check things out with your co-workers to get consensual validation.
Several heads and perceptions are better than one, especially if you decide to present this to a supervisor in a united front. You may still get answer that nothing can be done.
10. Get support from your colleagues.
Sometimes you can arrange a way you can work around this person.
11. Counter their negative talk (usually goes along with it), by concrete examples to contrary, and limit your exposure to them.
It can be infuriating to work with a passive-aggressive person, so take care of yourself, and protect your emotions and attitude. Limit your contact with person, and practice methods of self-soothing. Learn to “let go” and do best you can.
I have heard many people say, “There’s nothing worse than an office where you can’t stand one person.” If this is how you feel, consider transferring or getting another job. Don’t become passive-aggressive yourself. Remain assertive. You always have options. Sometimes when enough good people quit, management takes action. The bad news is, you won’t be around there when it happens, but good news is you won’t be around there when it happens.
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Consultant, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, business programs, Internet courses, teleclasses and ebooks around Emotional Intelligence. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine. I train and certify EQ coaches. Email for info on this affordable, fast and effective program with no residency requirement.
