The Narcissist and His Family

Written by Sam Vaknin


Continued from page 1

These roles – allocated to them explicitly and demandingly or implicitly and perniciously byrepparttar narcissist – are best fulfilled by ones whose mind is not yet fully formed and independent. The olderrepparttar 111332 siblings or offspring,repparttar 111333 more they become critical, even judgemental, ofrepparttar 111334 narcissist. They are better able to put into context and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to anticipate his moves.

As they mature, they often refuse to continue to playrepparttar 111335 mindless pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what he has done to them inrepparttar 111336 past, when they were less capable of resistance. They can gauge his true stature, talents and achievements – which, usually, lag far behindrepparttar 111337 claims that he makes.

This bringsrepparttar 111338 narcissist a full cycle back torepparttar 111339 first phase. Again, he perceives his siblings or sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and devaluing. He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and cold, rejects any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures andrepparttar 111340 preciousness and scarceness of his time.

He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and claustrophobic. He wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have become totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand why he has to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes himself to have been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped.

He rebels either passively-aggressively (by refusing to act or by intentionally sabotagingrepparttar 111341 relationships) or actively (by being overly critical, aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and so on). Slowly – to justify his acts to himself – he gets immersed in conspiracy theories with clear paranoid hues.

To his mind,repparttar 111342 members ofrepparttar 111343 family conspire against him, seek to belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him, or stymie his growth. The narcissist usually finally gets what he wants andrepparttar 111344 family that he has created disintegrates to his great sorrow (due torepparttar 111345 loss ofrepparttar 111346 Narcissistic Space) – but also to his great relief and surprise (how could they have let go someone as unique as he?).

This isrepparttar 111347 cycle:repparttar 111348 narcissist feels threatened by arrival of new family members – he tries to assimilate or annex of siblings or offspring – he obtains Narcissistic Supply from them – he overvalues and idealizes these newfound sources – as sources grow older and independent, they adopt anti narcissistic behaviours –repparttar 111349 narcissist devalues them –repparttar 111350 narcissist feels stifled and trapped –repparttar 111351 narcissist becomes paranoid –repparttar 111352 narcissist rebels andrepparttar 111353 family disintegrates.

This cycle characterises not onlyrepparttar 111354 family life ofrepparttar 111355 narcissist. It is to be found in other realms of his life (his career, for instance). At work,repparttar 111356 narcissist, initially, feels threatened (no one knows him, he is a nobody). Then, he develops a circle of admirers, cronies and friends which he "nurtures and cultivates" in order to obtain Narcissistic Supply from them. He overvalues them (to him, they arerepparttar 111357 brightest,repparttar 111358 most loyal, withrepparttar 111359 biggest chances to climbrepparttar 111360 corporate ladder and other superlatives).

But following some anti-narcissistic behaviours on their part (a critical remark, a disagreement, a refusal, however polite) –repparttar 111361 narcissist devalues all these previously idealized individuals. Now that they have dared oppose him - they are judged by him to be stupid, cowardly, lacking in ambition, skills and talents, common (the worst expletive inrepparttar 111362 narcissist's vocabulary), with an unspectacular career ahead of them.

The narcissist feels that he is misallocating his scarce and invaluable resources (for instance, his time). He feels besieged and suffocated. He rebels and erupts in a serious of self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours, which lead torepparttar 111363 disintegration of his life.

Doomed to build and ruin, attach and detach, appreciate and depreciate,repparttar 111364 narcissist is predictable in his "death wish". What sets him apart from other suicidal types is that his wish is granted to him in small, tormenting doses throughout his anguished life.

Appendix - Custody and Visitation

A parent diagnosed with full-fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) should be denied custody and be granted only restricted rights of visitation under supervision.

Narcissists accordrepparttar 111365 same treatment to children and adults. They regard both as sources of narcissistic supply, mere instruments of gratification - idealize them at first and then devalue them in favour of alternative, safer and more subservient, sources. Such treatment is traumatic and can have long-lasting emotional effects.

The narcissist's inability to acknowledge and abide byrepparttar 111366 personal boundaries set by others putsrepparttar 111367 child at heightened risk of abuse - verbal, emotional, physical, and, often, sexual. His possessiveness and panoply of indiscriminate negative emotions - transformations of aggression, such as rage and envy - hinder his ability to act as a "good enough" parent. His propensities for reckless behaviour, substance abuse, and sexual deviance endangerrepparttar 111368 child's welfare, or even his or her life.



Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, and eBookWeb , a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory Bellaonline, and Suite101 .

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com




PREDATORS ONLINE

Written by David Keyes


Continued from page 1

How do we, as parents, protect our kids from experiencing a horror like this? By far,repparttar most important thing we can do is communicate openly with our kids aboutrepparttar 111331 dangers of Internet usage (what to look for in emails, instant messages, and chat rooms that might be suspicious).

Young children should not have access to email, chat rooms or instant messaging. You may want to allow your teenagers to use these tools as long as you haverepparttar 111332 ability to closely monitor their activity. You must have full access to where they are going online and observerepparttar 111333 type of chat room conversations they participate in. They should never reveal personal information to strangers (such as name, age, gender, school or address). Make sure they don’t download anything without your permission. They also need to know that your rules apply when they userepparttar 111334 Internet in other locations (friends’ homes,repparttar 111335 library, school). Tell your kids to NEVER respond to strangers in emails or instant messages (and report to you if it happens).

The Information Super Highway is an exciting place to navigate, and now you can do so worry-free. Don’t letrepparttar 111336 dangerous drivers out there prevent you from accessingrepparttar 111337 information and tools that are yours atrepparttar 111338 click of a mouse!

About the Author:

David Keyes is the author of "The Secrets of Internet Marketing Success. Through seminars, small groups, and many online avenues, he has helped hundreds of individuals and families succeed in protecting themselves online. Visit his site to find out how you can get a free subscription to his newsletter and information on tools that allow you to use the internet worry-free.

http://www.safetynetusa.com or mailto: thedefense@safetynetusa.com


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