The moment arrived and music started. Teri didn’t. She just stood there, still as a statue, while her friends slipped into their well- rehearsed routine.

Was she nervous? Did she forget her steps? Did her foot hurt?

Then, as if on cue, she gracefully took her left hand out of muff and raised it to her face, inserted her index finger into her nostril and with precision of a Texas oil driller, began a full-scale exploration of orifice that seemingly wouldn’t conclude until she hit paydirt! That’s my girl!

Needless to say, place erupted into hysterical laughter that overrode loud music. I began to slither down in my seat trying not to be among majority who were splitting a gut at spectacle and add to embarrassment that Teri must have been beginning to feel.

Suddenly, as if it finally registered that non-relenting roar of laughter was directed at her, she ran off stage. I was already hustling out of theatre to backstage area in anticipation of having to do some creative parenting and intense consolation.

With a lot of tear drying and a little coaxing I managed to convince my little dancer to “get on with show”, where she performed rest of her numbers, without using her fingers.

The next year, she played tee ball.

© Rick Beneteau

But I will never know. Because, as many times as I thought to make this overture, never once did I act upon it. And being that I have been blessed to have been in a position many times in my life to have 'been there' for people who were depressed, and even suicidal, I again, did NOT ACT UPON IT.

Guilty? Yes, I am.

Of course, I cannot afford to even begin to blame myself, a total stranger to her, for what she felt she ultimately had no choice to do. On other hand, I could have chosen to do something, and act upon my desire to at least try to help.

The obvious questions arise. Would she have accepted my invitation to a coffee shop, or for a walk down trail? If she did, could I have made even a small difference in her life and actually see her smile -- at least once? That, would have been wonderful to me. Or, could I have made even a small impact that would have ultimately led to, well, her deciding NOT swallow overdose of medicine that she did?

Thing is, I will never know, because I chose NOT TO ACT. Too busy, of course. Too many other things going on in my personal life. Too many other things going on in lives I was close to. Too busy in my business life.

If I can take away one lesson with me from this dark experience, it is one I wish to share with you -- when your intuition tells you to do something not only once, but many times, ACT UPON IT. Your intuition is your biggest friend, whether you know it now, or not.

It honestly hurts to know that I did nothing to follow up on my own intuition in this sad, sad case. It is even sadder to know that I never even knew name of this pretty woman.

I dislike, and try to hardly ever use, word, "if". It is usually used in context with a negative circumstance. In this case though, I can now only wonder would have happened, "If Only . . ."

© Rick Beneteau