If bride keeps her own last name, one option is four-initial monogram (bride’s first, bride’s last, groom’s last, groom’s first). Or just join couple’s first names with an ampersand (Jenny & Mike).

Some etiquette tips: It’s somewhat frowned upon to use your couples monogram before you’re actually married. So, your reception’s clearly a green light, but you might want to skip using it on your invites. The ceremony itself is sort of a Ms. Manners gray area. Some brides uphold spirit (if not letter) of “law” by including monogram in a not-so-public ceremonial spot, such as a garter, or inside dress.

Of course, these being modern times, some brides just include monogram wherever and whenever they want!

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An easy project: DIY monogrammed aisle runner It’s not hard to create your own monogrammed aisle runner, and it makes a big splash. If you have a sewing machine, you can buy and hem fabric for next to nothing. Now you just need some fabric paint in black or your wedding colors, a pencil, an exacto knife and some cardstock. You also need to decide where you want to place monogram. Some aisle runners feature a monogram at bottom, where procession begins; top, where couple stands; and in middle.

Print out your monogram and blow it up to your desired size on a copying machine. (If your aisle fabric is on sheer side, you can now trace your monogram directly onto fabric with pencil. Fill in with fabric paint, and you’re done.) Otherwise, tape enlarged monogram onto cardstock and cut out shape with an exacto knife. Trace inside your new template lightly with pencil. Fill in with fabric paint. Follow same procedure to make your own monogrammed table runners or even chair covers.

The dance floor monogram A dramatic and memorable way to include your monogram is to project it onto dance floor during reception. As fun as this is, though, it’s not cheap and sometimes not easy. To project a monogram, you need to buy a custom metal plate, called a “gobo.” Custom gobo manufacturers are easily found online. The gobo itself usually costs over $100, but once made, you then need specific lights equipped with a pattern holder to use gobo. It’s possible that your venue, or your DJ, will be able to provide these lights or help you locate a place from which to rent them.

A final tip Now that you have some ideas for incorporating monograms in your wedding, remember essence of elegance is restraint. It’s easy to overdo monograms, so mix them up contrasting touches, such as soft and romantic floral arrangements, to warm up monogram’s cool and classic feel.

When Visuals are reactive, they become frustrated and depressed. Their biggest trap is perfectionism. “I like you but you need to change in some areas. If you love me, you’ll be willing to make those changes.” This desire for “perfect” man is fueled by their fears: ·Afraid of not being able to live up to one’s own high standards (“If we work at it, we can be perfect couple.”) ·Afraid of running out of time (“I visualized my life as being married and older I get, less men there are to make this happen.”) ·Fear of unknown (“I want to feel secure about my future – to be able to visualize it as a comfortable life.”)

Remedy for Visuals: Let go of perfectionism. You can easily be hurt by criticism because you view what you do as who you are. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you make mistake or if a relationship didn’t turn out as expected. Learn to accept yourself as you are. You have a wonderful sense of humor because you can easily see humor in everyday situations. Discover ways to make your life fulfilling without a man. Then you won’t appear desperate because “you’re not getting any younger …”

When Wholistics are reactive, they become resentful and blame others for their discontent. This resentment is fuel by these fears: ·Afraid of not being valued or given a chance (“I know you could love me if you’d just give me a chance!”) ·Afraid of failure, not reaching full potential (As a Wholistic, you are born with a sense mission, that you are destined for excellence. If this hasn’t happened, you may use excuses to soften disillusionment you have in yourself.) ·Afraid of restrictions, loss of freedom (“I can’t make a commitment – I want to be free to go with flow.”)

Remedy for Wholistics: Beware of letting your desperation cause you to “settle for less” if you are disillusioned with yourself. You might be attracted to abusive men because you don’t deserve better. It’s never too late to reach excellence, whether it’s being a wonderful grandmother, or writing a book, or finally having time to do those things you always wanted to do but didn’t have time.

When you aren’t looking for a man is when they are most likely to find you. They might find you or you might approach him though a computer dating service. But if he doesn’t reply to your message despite how strongly he “courted you” in his first messages, he’s lost interest. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you!

Be yourself. The “Red Hat Society” has expanded into hundreds of groups because they are women having a good time just being themselves. Remember Dave’s plea, “I wish women would leave me alone!”

Carol Welsh, M.S. is the author of “Stop When You See Red.” She has over 25 years experience as a speaker and is a frequent guest on talk shows. Website is www.stopred.com.