The Lighter Side of Spam

Written by Tim Ward


Continued from page 1

* Become A Catholic Priest In Two Short Weeks

* Here Is The Information You Requested On Llama Breeding

These are just a sample of some ofrepparttar subject lines that I have seen in my inbox. I assume they were SPAM since I don't remember every requesting any information about any of those subjects. Althoughrepparttar 118283 one about selling squid did seem interesting. Which brings me to a question. If you know that an email is SPAM butrepparttar 118284 subject line is just sooo darn catchy, is it wrong to openrepparttar 118285 email? Do I become an accessory to spamming? Am I aiding and abetting known spammers? I sure hope not because truthfully every now and then I open an email that I know is SPAM just to see what it's about. It's just that some of those spammers have gotten so good with their subject lines that I just can't help myself. For instance I'm GOING to open emails with subject lines like:

* Free Fried Chicken For Life

* Fast Hemorrhoid Relief

* Drink ALL You Want And Never Get Drunk

* Drew Barrymore and Tara Banks Want To Meet You (Another quick note to spammers: If you wererepparttar 118286 online law breaker who sent merepparttar 118287 unsolicited email about Drew and Tara could you please send it to me again. I think I accidentally deleted it. Thanks. P.S. If you have anything about Angelina Jolie send that too.)

* Even Faster Hemorrhoid Relief

* Stop Premature Balding

* Legally Get Back All The Money You've Ever Blown On Women

There are some of you who probably think it's deplorable that I admit to reading emails that I know are SPAM. You probably think that people like me arerepparttar 118288 reason spammers keep spamming. You probably think I'm just as bad asrepparttar 118289 spammers. You're probably trying to figure out who my ISP is at this very moment so you can report me. All I can say in my defense is: I'm only human. And I only do it on weekends.

In conclusion, even though I've poked fun at anti-spammers in this article, I do feel that spamming is wrong and illegal. My purpose in writing this article was just to bring a little humor torepparttar 118290 otherwise ever-so-serious SPAM table. Whether you're an avid anti-spammer and a card-carrying member ofrepparttar 118291 Coalition Against Unsolicited Commercial Email or a lazy Delete-It-And-Forget-About-It slacker like me, you'll probably agree that spammers need to stopped. Anyone caught spamming should be punished. And I knowrepparttar 118292 ideal punishment. They should be forced to clean my house and keep my llamas fed while I'm on my 2 month vacation in Uzbekistan with Drew Barrymore, eating fried chicken-hemorrhoid free.

************************************************* ************************************************* The Internet is far too serious these days. You need a break from allrepparttar 118293 gurus and money-making schemes and paid email ads. You also need a new car, a babysitter for Wednesday night, and a good plumber. Unfortunately, I can only help you withrepparttar 118294 Internet stuff. Visit me at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/onlinejester to join my mailing list so you can receive more entertaining articles that poke fun at all things Internet. ************************************************* *************************************************

Tim Ward, the self-proclaimed Online Jester, writes a monthly column that takes a warped look at the World Wide Web. This column is published in his ezine, The Online Jester's Ezine. To find out more visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/onlinejester/


Have PC-Will Crash

Written by Tim Ward


Continued from page 1

These types of crashes usually end in you calling Tech Support which involves sitting onrepparttar phone for 4 hours after which a underpaid, overworked tech support representative who recently got fired from his job in airport security, will tell you that your computer is out of warranty and therefore you are not eligible for tech support. Unless you want to pay a small fee, in which case you can then be transfered to Advanced Fee-based Tech Support, where after waiting for only 2 hours,repparttar 118282 exact same Tech Support Representative you talked to before will tell you that he is going to send you an email that will show you how to fixrepparttar 118283 problem. You will hang up tired, but satisfied that you got results, until you realize that you can't get check your email because your computer has crashed.

The only course of action left to you now isrepparttar 118284 dreaded trip to repparttar 118285 computer repair shop. A trip that has never inrepparttar 118286 history of personal computers ended well. Oh,repparttar 118287 guys atrepparttar 118288 computer repair shop may look knowledgable, and they probably are, they just aren't going to putrepparttar 118289 knowledge to use on YOUR PC. Instead that knowledge is reserved for trying to find ways to conquerrepparttar 118290 Evil Wizard Gorlazx in Second Fuedal Region ofrepparttar 118291 online computer game Baalor's Revenge. Your machine will only get attention after hours and hours of Baalor's whenrepparttar 118292 computer repair guy has about 0.567 functioning brain cells left. That is why your PC always is ready a week later that promised and is never really technically fixed. It's 'fixed' in that it actual boots up now, but when it comes to doing something far-fetched like actually running a program you can forget about it. But look at it onrepparttar 118293 bright side, they probably will have installed a nice new Baalor's Revenge screensaver on your Pc, and so now you will at least have something nice to look at while you sit onrepparttar 118294 phone with Tech Support again.

But I guess that'srepparttar 118295 price we all pay forrepparttar 118296 luxury of modern technology. If you think about it, a few wasted hours onrepparttar 118297 phone and a few wasted weeks or months with no computer, are really small prices to pay for allrepparttar 118298 advantages we get while our PCs are working. And if you don't know what kind of 'advantages' I'm talking about, come over one day when my girlfriend's not here, I've got a few downloaded pictures to show you...

Tim Ward, the self-proclaimed Online Jester,invites you to sign-up for his ezine, aptlytitled, The Online Jester's Ezine. It's a monthly ezine that features his humorous articles that 'poke fun at all things Internet, as well as anything else he can find to make the ezine seem longer. To learn more and sign-up visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/onlinejester And do it quickly, before your PC crashes.


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