* I’ve been damaged beyond repair. I can never heal and be whole.

* I’m a bad person. I cause people to abuse me because of my badness.

* All I’m good for is sex.

* The only way to be safe is to be invisible.

These false beliefs can cause untold heartache for survivor of sexual abuse.

THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL

Sexual abuse not only causes physical and emotional harm, it is also causes spiritual harm. It is a form of spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is any abuse that contributes to a disconnection from a spiritual Source of love and comfort.

When a child is being abused by a trusted person, a person who is supposed to protect child such as a parent, relative, teacher, religious leader, doctor, or friend, child learns that adults can’t be trusted. The deepest harm occurs when abuser is a parent. Most children learn to project onto God their experience of their parents. If their parents are judgmental, then they believe that God is judgmental. If their parents are too busy for them, then they believe that God is too busy for them. If their parents do not protect them or harm them, they might conclude that God does not exist. “If God existed, then why didn’t God stop my father from raping me?”

Some children leave their bodies when being severely abused. Invariably, with therapeutic help, they can remember that they were lovingly held by a spiritual teacher and told that abuse was not their fault. Much healing occurs with these memories. They can remember knowing that they were being helped by God, even though, due to law of free will, God could not stop abuser from abusing them.

Reconnecting on spiritual level is key to healing on physical and emotional levels. Through connection with Spirit, abuse survivors learn that they are not irrevocably damaged, that they are not inherently bad and did not cause themselves to be abused, that they can share much more than sex - they can share their love and compassion, and that they can create their own safety rather than be invisible as a way to be safe. Their false beliefs are healed through truth that comes from their spiritual connection.

Learning to be a loving and compassionate adult with oneself is major challenge for an abuse survivor. Deep healing occurs when survivors learn to see and value beauty of their own soul, and learn to treat themselves with respect, caring and compassion. Inner safety and deep self worth are results of learning to treat oneself with love.

This means that heredity has a big role in how you turn out. But it’s not simply a matter of “inheriting” your mother’s bad temper or your father’s drinking habit.

Experts believe that what you inherit are “temperaments.” Temperament is a predisposition to react in certain ways. It appears at birth or shortly thereafter, and tends to run in families. This explains, for example, why certain breeds of dogs are more aggressive than others.

It’s same with people. Some babies are more active than others; some are more distractible; some are more easily startled.

These temperaments help determine not only kinds of experiences that a growing child seeks out -- for example, one who needs a lot of stimulation will take more risks -- but also, how others respond. Thus, a child who is calm will tend to elicit different parental reactions than a child who is more excitable.

So how does all this figure into your parents’ inner brats and your own? It is quite likely that you have inherited temperaments from one or both of your biological parents. If your parent gets angry easily, you may too -- but not because you inherited your parent’s anger. It is because you inherited a sensitivity to irritation, or a predisposition to react quickly to situations. These in turn make you prone to impulsive behavior such as angry outbursts.

Before you get ready to use this as an excuse for your next temper tantrum or drinking binge, keep in mind that you do have control over how you channel your inherited tendencies. For example, a person who needs a lot of stimulation and novelty might end up as a criminal who takes risks -- or as an inventor, a CIA agent or a professional entertainer. Someone who is innately cautious might end up as an underachiever -- or as a quality-control specialist, a researcher, or a brain surgeon.

Thus, even though temperaments are inherited, inner brat behaviors are NOT inevitable. The very traits that get us into trouble are same ones that can be put to constructive use. With a little creativity you can nudge your inner brat in a more positive direction.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)