All considerations were in love and I was ready to live, die, or whatever God decided. Maybe that was a good thing, that I had opened my heart to love again.

Though, once I had finished talking with God, I began to make a scene. Nurses had said that, if mother became under stress, doctors would then act. So, I behaved very badly (on purpose) and they couldn't get me into surgery fast enough.

It was then that peace came. It would be alright, now, whatever that meant.

Anesthetics kept me asleep for most of first 24 hours. Though, between each spurt of alertness, I watched people, carefully, trying to determine if they were telling me truth. Finally, I pinned a nurse down and asked, straight forward, "Why won't you bring my baby to me?"

The nurse promised that, as soon as I could stay awake (so as to not accidentally injury baby), they would bring her to my room. Except for being in an incubator first days, precautionary being that she was so small, all appeared to be well; with no heart problems either.

Only, a hard year followed. Baby and I took turns at being ill. A year later and my strength was, still, at stage of crawling to get up stairs.

Finally, I determined that Satan was never going to allow us health to go to church, again, and I knew just thing for that. If neither of us were running a temperature, we were going ~ no matter how bad we looked or felt.

It was then that things started improving. Within six months, baby and I were able to attend church regularly and I joined our church choir.

My piano teacher had, once, taught me how to feel music when I'd play and I had used those same tools to spiritually go there, to imagine and feel whatever I was singing.

Then, one day, while participating in choir, in middle of a song, God said, "You know how to feel it. Now, I want you to see it."

I thought, "Ok. But, I have no clue how to do that."

God said, "Find a spot on wall and focus. Envision seeing Jesus."

"But, all we have are pictures. I don't know what he looks like."

"Whatever you envision him to look like will be fine. Do you see it?"

.............................................. "Yes, I see it."

"What is he doing?"

"He's suppose to be doing something? I don't know."

"Well, look."

I looked up, at that picture of Jesus, and studied it for a few seconds, to see whatever I might see. Honestly, I had no idea what I was suppose to be looking for. But, God had said to look.

Keep in mind, we were still standing in choir ~ singing. Then, suddenly, I noticed Jesus changed from a portrait to a full body image, making him appear farther away. He was holding something. But, I couldn't make out what it was. So, I watched closely.

Now, keep in mind, I was on live television, in that choir. I have no idea if I kept singing or not. But, image gradually came closer and closer.

I thought, maybe Jesus was carrying a lamb. Yes ... it's ... it's a lamb. Ok. But, wait. The image is a little fuzzy. Something is happening. It's transforming. What is it? I studied carefully ... until ... Oh, no! Oh, NO! It was my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not know if or how I maintained composer. I must have done ok, being that I didn't get scolded for messing up televised program. But, my knees felt so weak that I don't know how I even remained standing.

Jesus had my baby in his arms and he was giving her back to me. Tears rolled and flowed, and must have turned into an avalanche. Jesus, JESUS, ... JESUS had become My Lamb and I will never be same again! ~+~ ~+~ ~+~ ~+~ ~+~ ~+~ ~+~ ~+~ ~+~ ~+~

My God is not a God of Hell, Fire, and Brimstone. He is a God of Love. Love is who He is.

He has saved us. He continues to save us. And, He will save us. And, now, I have memory of a true salvation experience. I pray God grants me mental capacity to always remember Joy of My Salvation!

And, now that I 'know' God's love, I love God enough to live for Him and, through hard times and all, I can be a bridge that won't fall ~ because, joy of Lord is my strength.

Yet, each Christmas, all else aside, one of my favorite places is to return to Bethlehem, to envision caring for God's baby.

God gave an even greater love than Himself. He gave His Son. It's least we can do, to love him, too.

© by Joyce C. Lock http://my.homewithgod.com/blessingsandlessons/ This writing may be used in its entirety, with credits in tact, for non-profit ministering purposes.