Introverted leaders, on other hand, may continue to reflect when it is time for action and their preference for internal processing may exclude others. Furthermore, their communication style is often more indirect so that others don’t always understand what’s most important to them, and they are often perceived as “hard to read”.

While introverts seek out solitary time in order to process internally, whether gathering information or reflecting, this may cause others to perceive them as aloof, distant, unapproachable and even arrogant. The introverted executive typically develops strategies for creating solitude even in midst of busy organizational life. Thus, appointments may be difficult to get, meetings may be highly structured and organized, and there may be little room for spontaneous sharing and brainstorming.

Both types of leaders can become isolated through externally created conditions or self-imposed ones. They either move toward isolation because their colleagues and staff pull away, or they remove themselves from interactive field when problems arise.

With self-awareness, feedback, and coaching, both types can learn to balance out their natural styles. The introverted leader can learn to involve others and to share information more frequently. The extraverted leader can learn how to continue to work with others without dangers inherent in sharing information prematurely or dominating conversation and missing input of quieter introverts.

(c) Copyright 2003. Manya Arond-Thomas, all rights reserved.

• Inquiry: Ask open questions that provide information and meaning, such as “What did you notice?” or “What did you think?” or “What conclusions did you draw?”

• Paraphrasing: Ask questions that check your understanding against what other person meant, such as “When you said this, did you mean...”

• Acknowledgment: This may be most under-utilized but powerful tool for defusing negative emotions. What makes conversations difficult is that people have strong feelings. Acknowledgement of another’s frustration, upset, or anger goes a long way to defusing emotional charge that blocks ease of communication. Phrases such as “I can see how angry you feel” or “ If I were in your shoes, I would probably feel just as frustrated” honor other person’s reality even if you don’t agree with their perspective.

To transform a difficult conversation into productive problem solving, uncovering assumptions provides key to greater mutual understanding. Therefore, explore other’s views and experience first. Then share your views and experience. Only after both parties’ views are clear does it make sense to problem-solve.

Although it may seem counter-intuitive, time taken to engage in empathic listening and respectful sharing of divergent perspectives greatly increases quality and speed of problem solving. While engaging in difficult conversations often feels risky and challenging, price of not having them - lost time and productivity and less than optimal results - could cost you and your organization far more than time and effort of doing so.

(c) Copyright 2003. Manya Arond-Thomas, all rights reserved.