The Intermittent Explosive Narcissist

Written by Sam Vaknin


Continued from page 1

Still, all manner of angry people - narcissists or not - suffer from a cognitive deficit and are worried and anxious. They are unable to conceptualize, to design effective strategies, and to execute them. They dedicate all their attention torepparttar here and now and ignorerepparttar 126064 future consequences of their actions. Recent events are judged more relevant and weighted more heavily than any earlier ones. Anger impairs cognition, includingrepparttar 126065 proper perception of time and space.

In all people, narcissists and normal, anger is associated with a suspension of empathy. Irritated people cannot empathise. Actually, "counter-empathy" develops in a state of aggravated anger. The faculties of judgment and risk evaluation are also altered by anger. Later provocative acts are judged to be more serious than earlier ones just by "virtue" of their chronological position.

Yet, normal anger results in taking some action regardingrepparttar 126066 source of frustration (or, atrepparttar 126067 very least,repparttar 126068 planning or contemplation of such action). In contrast, pathological rage is mostly directed at oneself, displaced, or even lacks a target altogether.

Narcissists often vent their anger at "insignificant" people. They yell at a waitress, berate a taxi driver, or publicly chide an underling. Alternatively, they sulk, feel anhedonic or pathologically bored, drink, or do drugs all forms of self-directed aggression.

From time to time, no longer able to pretend and to suppress their rage, they have it out withrepparttar 126069 real source of their anger. Then they lose all vestiges of self-control and rave like lunatics. They shout incoherently, make absurd accusations, distort facts, and air long-suppressed grievances, allegations and suspicions.

These episodes are followed by periods of saccharine sentimentality and excessive flattering and submissiveness towardsrepparttar 126070 victim ofrepparttar 126071 latest rage attack. Driven byrepparttar 126072 mortal fear of being abandoned or ignored,repparttar 126073 narcissist repulsively debases and demeans himself.

Most narcissists are prone to be angry. Their anger is always sudden, raging, frightening and without an apparent provocation by an outside agent. It would seem that narcissists are in a CONSTANT state of rage, which is effectively controlled most ofrepparttar 126074 time. It manifests itself only whenrepparttar 126075 narcissist's defenses are down, incapacitated, or adversely affected by circumstances, inner or external.

Pathological anger is neither coherent, not externally induced. It emanates fromrepparttar 126076 inside and it is diffuse, directed atrepparttar 126077 "world" and at "injustice" in general. The narcissist is capable of identifyingrepparttar 126078 IMMEDIATE cause of his fury. Still, upon closer scrutiny,repparttar 126079 cause is likely to be found lacking andrepparttar 126080 anger excessive, disproportionate, and incoherent.

It might be more accurate to say thatrepparttar 126081 narcissist is expressing (and experiencing) TWO layers of anger, simultaneously and always. The first layer, of superficial ire, is indeed directed at an identified target,repparttar 126082 alleged cause ofrepparttar 126083 eruption. The second layer, however, incorporatesrepparttar 126084 narcissist's self-aimed wrath.

Narcissistic rage has two forms: I. Explosive - The narcissist flares up, attacks everyone in his immediate vicinity, causes damage to objects or people, and is verbally and psychologically abusive. II. Pernicious or Passive-Aggressive (P/A) -repparttar 126085 narcissist sulks, givesrepparttar 126086 silent treatment, and is plotting how to punishrepparttar 126087 transgressor and put her in her proper place. These narcissists are vindictive and often become stalkers. They harass and hauntrepparttar 126088 objects of their frustration. They sabotage and damagerepparttar 126089 work and possessions of people whom they regard to berepparttar 126090 sources of their mounting wrath.

Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, and eBookWeb , and Bellaonline, and as a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent. He is the the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.


The Roots of Pedophilia

Written by Sam Vaknin


Continued from page 1

The pedophile isrepparttar guru atrepparttar 105765 center of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his "partner". He feels entitled to adulation and special treatment by his child-mate. He punishesrepparttar 105766 wayward andrepparttar 105767 straying lambs. He enforces discipline.

The child finds himself in a twilight zone. The pedophile imposes on him a shared psychosis, replete with persecutory delusions, "enemies", mythical narratives, and apocalyptic scenarios if he is flouted. The child is renderedrepparttar 105768 joint guardian of a horrible secret.

The pedophile's control is based on ambiguity, unpredictability, fuzziness, and ambient abuse. His ever-shifting whims exclusively define right versus wrong, desirable and unwanted, what is to be pursued and what to be avoided. He alone determines rights and obligations and alters them at will.

The typical pedophile is a micro-manager. He exerts control overrepparttar 105769 minutest details and behaviors. He punishes severely and abuses withholders of information and those who fail to conform to his wishes and goals.

The pedophile does not respectrepparttar 105770 boundaries and privacy ofrepparttar 105771 (often reluctant and terrified) child. He ignores his or her wishes and treats children as objects or instruments of gratification. He seeks to control both situations and people compulsively.

The pedophile acts in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes often. He alternates between emphasizingrepparttar 105772 minutest faults (devalues) and exaggeratingrepparttar 105773 looks, talents, traits, and skills (idealizes) ofrepparttar 105774 child. He is wildly unrealistic in his expectations which legitimizes his subsequent abusive conduct.

Narcissistic pedophiles claim to be infallible, superior, talented, skillful, omnipotent, and omniscient. They often lie and confabulate to support these unfounded claims and to justify their actions. Most pedophiles suffer from cognitive deficits and reinterpret reality to fit their fantasies.

In extreme cases,repparttar 105775 pedophile feels aboverepparttar 105776 law any kind of law. This grandiose and haughty conviction leads to criminal acts, incestuous or polygamous relationships, and recurrent friction withrepparttar 105777 authorities.

V. The pedophile regards sex with children as an ego-booster

Subteen children are, by definition, "inferior". They are physically weaker, dependent on others forrepparttar 105778 fulfillment of many of their needs, cognitively and emotionally immature, and easily manipulated. Their fund of knowledge is limited and their skills restricted. His relationships with children buttressrepparttar 105779 pedophile's twin grandiose delusions of omnipotence and omniscience. Compared to his victims,repparttar 105780 pedophiles is alwaysrepparttar 105781 stronger,repparttar 105782 wiser,repparttar 105783 most skillful and well-informed.

VI. Sex with children guarantees companionship

Inevitably,repparttar 105784 pedophile considers his child-victims to be his best friends and companions. Pedophiles are lonely, erotomanic, people.

The pedophile believes that he is in love with (or simply loves)repparttar 105785 child. Sex is merely one way to communicate his affection and caring. But there are other venues.

To show his keen interest,repparttar 105786 common pedophile keeps callingrepparttar 105787 child, dropping by, writing e-mails, giving gifts, providing services, doing unsolicited errands "onrepparttar 105788 kid's behalf", getting into relationships withrepparttar 105789 preteen's parents, friends, teachers, and peers, and, in general, making himself available (stalking) at all times. The pedophile feels free to make legal, financial, and emotional decisions forrepparttar 105790 child.

The pedophile intrudes onrepparttar 105791 victim's privacy, disrespectsrepparttar 105792 child's express wishes and personal boundaries and ignores his or her emotions, needs, and preferences. Torepparttar 105793 pedophile, "love" means enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety (fear of being abandoned).

Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even outright hostile actions convincerepparttar 105794 erotomaniac thatrepparttar 105795 child not in love with him. He knows better and will makerepparttar 105796 world seerepparttar 105797 light as well. The child and his guardians are simply unaware of what is good forrepparttar 105798 kid. The pedophile determinedly sees it as his or her task to bring life and happiness intorepparttar 105799 child's dreary and unhappy existence.

Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence torepparttar 105800 contrary,repparttar 105801 pedophile is convinced that his feelings are reciprocated - in other words, thatrepparttar 105802 child is equally infatuated with him or her. He interprets everythingrepparttar 105803 child does (or refrains from doing) as coded messages confessing to and conveyingrepparttar 105804 child's interest in and eternal devotion torepparttar 105805 pedophile and torepparttar 105806 "relationship".

Some (by no means all) pedophiles are socially-inapt, awkward, schizoid, and suffer from a host of mood and anxiety disorders. They may also be legitimately involved withrepparttar 105807 child (e.g., stepfather, former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling) - or with his parents (for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night stand, colleagues or co-workers). They are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and all-pervasive fantasies.

Consequently, pedophiles react badly to any perceived rejection by their victims. They turn on a dime and become dangerously vindictive, out to destroyrepparttar 105808 source of their mounting frustration. Whenrepparttar 105809 "relationship" looks hopeless, some pedophiles violently embark on a spree of self-destruction.

Pedophilia is to some extent a culture-bound syndrome, defined as it is byrepparttar 105810 chronological age ofrepparttar 105811 child involved. Ephebophilia, for instance -repparttar 105812 exclusive sexual infatuation with teenagers - is not considered to be a form of pedophilia (or even paraphilia).

In some cultures, societies and countries (Afghanistan, for instance)repparttar 105813 age of consent is as low as 12. The marriageable age in Britain untilrepparttar 105814 end ofrepparttar 105815 nineteenth century was 10. Pedophilia is a common and socially-condoned practice in certain tribal societies and isolated communities (the Island of Pitcairn).

It would, therefore, be wise to redefine pedophilia as an attraction to or sexual acts with prepubescent children or with people ofrepparttar 105816 equivalent mental age (e.g., retarded) in contravention of social, legal, and cultural accepted practices.



Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, and eBookWeb , and Bellaonline, and as a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent. He is the the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.


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