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ETIQUETTE Remember your manners when others drop by to visit. Say “Thank you for coming.” They want to help, feel there’s little they can do, and will appreciate your acknowledgement that they have indeed “done something.” Send thank you notes when it’s all over.
INFORMATION Getting
information around to those who can’t be there can be solved through cell phones, of course, but also by setting up a blog. You can set one up free at www.blogger.com .
EQ Now let’s talk about your EQ skills, your emotional intelligence. There’s not much use for intellect in hospital waiting room, while emotions will get a big workout.
Hopefully there’s someone in your group who’s less emotional and more focused. This is a good person to run information through. When you’re listening to “the news,” they can hear facts, separating them from fantasy fueled by fear or hope. Perhaps you’re this person!
Practice self-soothing techniques. Whether it’s breathing deeply, saying mantras, going for walks, playing with kids that are around, or solving math equations, do things that calm you. You don’t need more physiological stress.
De-escalate and de-intensify. Because emotions are running high, members of your group can get into confrontations. Be one who calms things down. No one can think until they’ve calmed. Don’t go home with a well patient and a harmed relationship because you didn’t control yourself.
Share your wisdom and experience and be voice of reason. As diagnoses and prognoses come out – “It looks bad,” and “Chances are slim,” remind yourself – and remind others – that no one really knows for sure. I’ve heard predictions from doctors that never came true. I’ve heard them do 100% turnabouts. I’ve seen one doctor come in and completely reverse diagnosis of another. I know people deemed “terminal” who are still walking around today. Doctors do their best, and hopefully you have a good one, but outcome is in other hands, so there is always hope. Period. (At point where there is no hope, you will know it.)
ADVOCATE Now as to having best doctor, one of your functions (or of someone in group) is to advocate for patient. If you should happen to be in a teaching hospital, you may be handed from doctor to doctor. Hopefully this won’t be case. If it is, there can be more confusion, so hang in there.
At a teaching hospital you will also be dealing with residents. How would you know a resident from a doctor? Ask. Residents are learning. They must perform like a doctor, but final authority is not theirs, and also they are learning. This means their manner can be rough and even offensive. (My doctor friend who trains residents tells me that sometimes they can tell him every detail about patient’s chart, but when he asks them sex of patient, they cannot tell him.) This also means they may “think aloud” going through all things text book has told them it might be, and that they’re ruling out. This can be scary.
For instance, a friend of mine was in hospital with anemia, and resident kept talking about leukemia. Big difference. When attending physician arrives, he dismissed leukemia with a flick of wrist. You see?
Now as to your doctor … if you’re been assigned one, check him out. (A good physician has nothing to hide.) The Internet has information. The hospital has materials. Find out where he went to school, where he got his training, how many of these procedures he’s done. You know old joke – “The good news is your doctor graduated first in his class. The bad news is, it was last year.”
Give physician you have a fair shot, but know that you can change physicians, and also hospitals, if you choose.
If patient is about to have brain surgery, find out who’s best physician in country for this procedure. Ask a doctor you know whom she would go to herself, not whom she’d refer patients to. There are alternatives to consider – can person afford to fly elsewhere? Does insurance cover this? How long can it wait? Will it be lengthy and they’ll have to get accommodations in a strange town or fly back and forth? If so, does being away from familiar outweigh other benefits? Is he young with kids at home, or retired and his wife can easily accompany him anywhere? Just know there are options.
You may also want to investigate condition on Internet. Who knows what “phakomatosis” or “oliodendroglioma” mean.
THE CLOTHES And how do you dress? This isn’t a time to worry about your butt looking big. Wear something comfortable. I recommend something with pockets. It doesn’t hurt to wear something bright and cheerful and be a beacon of light.
And on a final note, if you want to do something helpful, donate something to a waiting room at your local hospital – magazines, books, toys. You get idea.
(c)Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for your personal and professional development, transition, career, retirement, relationships. For FREE EQ ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc with "ezine" for subject line. For the best ebook library on the Internet, go here: http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .
