The Hazards of Tossing Pigs

Written by Chris Bradford & Brande McCree

Continued from page 1
Sunday morning I wake up feeling like crap. I open my eyes and no-one was in my room. I felt something on top of me and reached across to grab it. As I did, I noticed a purple key ring hanging off one of my fingers. I go to pull it off and I notice a bunch of yellow crap in my hand. I reach down to see what it is on top of me, and I findrepparttar bottle of Jim Beam... EMPTY!!! My first thought was "Oh crap!!!! What did I do????" I try to raise up out of bed, but I cant. Yes, I was still drunk, but THAT was notrepparttar 118301 problem. Instead,repparttar 118302 bedspread was coming with me! It seems that while in my inebriated state of comatosement, my two blonde friends had decided to sew my clothes torepparttar 118303 bed, with ME IN THEM!!!!! I reached over, rip apartrepparttar 118304 threads, and roll out of bed. I stumble torepparttar 118305 bathroom. I relieve myself and walk out. As I do, I glance atrepparttar 118306 mirror, and...... WHAT!?!?!??!?!?!?? The first thing I noticed was my hair was slicked back. with all of these little specks in it that looked like little bitty sponges. Then I notice that my eyebrows had been painted allrepparttar 118307 way across. And I see all these splotches all over my face! And, my gawd, LIPSTICK on my lips!!!!! I started wiping my face off when... The phone rings. It was Jane... totally laughing her butt off!!!!!! I asked if I had drank that whole bottle? She was laughing her butt off!!! It turns out thatrepparttar 118308 slicked back hair was shampoo. And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And,repparttar 118309 flecks was potato chips. And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And, while we was talking I noticed that I had plastic bags tied around my feet!!!!!! And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And to top it off, I was supposed to be in SUNDAY SCHOOL in an hour!! And she was laughing her butt off!!! I told her I might not make Sunday school, but I would be at church. She thanked me for being a good sport (yeah, right. Revenge is coming. Jane and Barb had better watch out.) and I went and laid back down. When I finally got around to takingrepparttar 118310 plastic bags off my feet, it was like sticking them in a dadblame freezer. I couldn?t believe it! I showered, washedrepparttar 118311 crap out of my hair, (finding dental floss in there too) and headed to church, still drunk. Now, that there preacher has no idea ofrepparttar 118312 impact his sermon had on me that day. Not only did I have him preaching at me, but there was two more fellas who looked just like him sayingrepparttar 118313 same things atrepparttar 118314 same time. They were even makingrepparttar 118315 same gestures atrepparttar 118316 same time!! I have no idea how they didrepparttar 118317 special effects, but they would merge into one, and then un-merge. I made it through church and only heard Jane snore once next to me. I can?t help but wonder housekeeping thought when they found threads sewn intorepparttar 118318 blanket inrepparttar 118319 shape of a large human body.

Chris Bradford and Brande McCree are the publishers of MLM Success Today, a weekly newsletter offering original articles written by its publishers for both the experienced and the beginner network marketer.

Just Say No to "No"

Written by Tony Hendra

Continued from page 1

Our economy revolves around lunch. Lunch, forrepparttar early-jogging hard-charger, isrepparttar 118300 first meal ofrepparttar 118301 day. Appetites sharpen; greed is at its peak. People make deals at lunch because they're hungry. But mere deals are not enough. What boosts economies into orbit are insane ideas - inventing an oven that will cook things in minutes; putting electronic asteroids in space; developing a pill to prevent pregnancy; creating a set of man and woman dolls who own allrepparttar 118302 things real people do; using money a company hasn't yet earned to buy it now -repparttar 118303 kind of ideas that seem demented if you're drinking fruit juice but make complete sense ifrepparttar 118304 juice has been fermented.

For money to be made, someone has to say to someone else "Yes." And for lots of money to be made, someone has to scream "Yes! Yes! Yes!," whoop, holler, high-five, clink glasses and throw bread atrepparttar 118305 other tables. What maderepparttar 118306 Fifties' economy fizz wasn't good old family values. It wasrepparttar 118307 three-martini lunch.

Businessmen present themselves as clear-eyed conservatives who have studiedrepparttar 118308 figures and maderepparttar 118309 most cost-effective, risk-reward balance, optimized, rationalized decision. In reality, recklessness is atrepparttar 118310 very heart of capitalism;repparttar 118311 gravy train is a runaway, and Casey Jones is inrepparttar 118312 cab. No one in his right mind would invest in a tenth ofrepparttar 118313 things capitalists invest in. That's why now, when we're all in our right minds, zip is happening. No economy ever fizzed on carbonated water.

Sorepparttar 118314 next time you find yourself lunching with a trio of smug, clear-eyed joy-buzzards, say "yes" to that Cosmopolitan Martini. Chances are one of them will crack and say "yes" too. Then they all will, andrepparttar 118315 money is as good as inrepparttar 118316 bank. And if they don't, who wants their gutless, bloodless, plodding, namby-pamby, scaredy-cat, pussyfooting business, anyway?

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