The Hazards of Tossing PigsWritten by Chris Bradford & Brande McCree
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Sunday morning I wake up feeling like crap. I open my eyes and no-one was in my room. I felt something on top of me and reached across to grab it. As I did, I noticed a purple key ring hanging off one of my fingers. I go to pull it off and I notice a bunch of yellow crap in my hand. I reach down to see what it is on top of me, and I find bottle of Jim Beam... EMPTY!!! My first thought was "Oh crap!!!! What did I do????" I try to raise up out of bed, but I cant. Yes, I was still drunk, but THAT was not problem. Instead, bedspread was coming with me! It seems that while in my inebriated state of comatosement, my two blonde friends had decided to sew my clothes to bed, with ME IN THEM!!!!! I reached over, rip apart threads, and roll out of bed. I stumble to bathroom. I relieve myself and walk out. As I do, I glance at mirror, and...... WHAT!?!?!??!?!?!?? The first thing I noticed was my hair was slicked back. with all of these little specks in it that looked like little bitty sponges. Then I notice that my eyebrows had been painted all way across. And I see all these splotches all over my face! And, my gawd, LIPSTICK on my lips!!!!! I started wiping my face off when... The phone rings. It was Jane... totally laughing her butt off!!!!!! I asked if I had drank that whole bottle? She was laughing her butt off!!! It turns out that slicked back hair was shampoo. And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And, flecks was potato chips. And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And, while we was talking I noticed that I had plastic bags tied around my feet!!!!!! And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And to top it off, I was supposed to be in SUNDAY SCHOOL in an hour!! And she was laughing her butt off!!! I told her I might not make Sunday school, but I would be at church. She thanked me for being a good sport (yeah, right. Revenge is coming. Jane and Barb had better watch out.) and I went and laid back down. When I finally got around to taking plastic bags off my feet, it was like sticking them in a dadblame freezer. I couldn?t believe it! I showered, washed crap out of my hair, (finding dental floss in there too) and headed to church, still drunk. Now, that there preacher has no idea of impact his sermon had on me that day. Not only did I have him preaching at me, but there was two more fellas who looked just like him saying same things at same time. They were even making same gestures at same time!! I have no idea how they did special effects, but they would merge into one, and then un-merge. I made it through church and only heard Jane snore once next to me. I can?t help but wonder housekeeping thought when they found threads sewn into blanket in shape of a large human body.
Chris Bradford and Brande McCree are the publishers of MLM Success Today, a weekly newsletter offering original articles written by its publishers for both the experienced and the beginner network marketer. http://www.mlmsuccesstoday.com/news/
Just Say No to "No"Written by Tony Hendra
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Our economy revolves around lunch. Lunch, for early-jogging hard-charger, is first meal of day. Appetites sharpen; greed is at its peak. People make deals at lunch because they're hungry. But mere deals are not enough. What boosts economies into orbit are insane ideas - inventing an oven that will cook things in minutes; putting electronic asteroids in space; developing a pill to prevent pregnancy; creating a set of man and woman dolls who own all things real people do; using money a company hasn't yet earned to buy it now - kind of ideas that seem demented if you're drinking fruit juice but make complete sense if juice has been fermented.
For money to be made, someone has to say to someone else "Yes." And for lots of money to be made, someone has to scream "Yes! Yes! Yes!," whoop, holler, high-five, clink glasses and throw bread at other tables. What made Fifties' economy fizz wasn't good old family values. It was three-martini lunch.
Businessmen present themselves as clear-eyed conservatives who have studied figures and made most cost-effective, risk-reward balance, optimized, rationalized decision. In reality, recklessness is at very heart of capitalism; gravy train is a runaway, and Casey Jones is in cab. No one in his right mind would invest in a tenth of things capitalists invest in. That's why now, when we're all in our right minds, zip is happening. No economy ever fizzed on carbonated water.
So next time you find yourself lunching with a trio of smug, clear-eyed joy-buzzards, say "yes" to that Cosmopolitan Martini. Chances are one of them will crack and say "yes" too. Then they all will, and money is as good as in bank. And if they don't, who wants their gutless, bloodless, plodding, namby-pamby, scaredy-cat, pussyfooting business, anyway?
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