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"That boy's so dumb, he thinks a Mexican border pays rent."
"That dawg's busier than a centipede at a toe-counting contest."
"The snow's so deep, farmers have to jack up cows so they can milk 'em!"
“Gal reminds me of highway between Fort Worth and Dallas. No curves.”
"Did ya see that hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That Rhode Island Red turned white, then blue. Rhode Island, red, white, and blue! That's a joke, son, a flag-waver! You're built too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em! Ya gotta keep your eye on ball! Eye. Ball. Eyeball! I almost had a gag, son--a joke, that is!"
“That woman’s as cold as a nudist on an iceberg.”
"I've been a good sport about this up till now, but that boy's forcing me to use stronger measures."
“That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oat meal.”
“You look like two miles of bad road.”
See what I mean? The best thing is, I could post up several more pages of these classic lines. Without question, Foghorn Leghorn was greatest cartoon character of all-time. But he was even more than that - y’all see, Foghorn Leghorn wasn’t just a cartoon character, he was a rooster. A Southern rooster. With that accent, where else could he come from? He’s one of us. And just like rock music, gospel music, football, women, fried chicken, chili dogs, beaches, or anything else you want to lay on table, very best stuff comes from South. It’s as simple as that. And if anyone out there doesn’t want to believe me, fine, just send me some money and we’ll sponsor an essay contest based on following theme:
“Who Wants to Move to Rhode Island?”
The winner will get a one-way ticket coach fare ticket there, plus a video tape or DVD full of their favorite Rhode Island animated character’s cartoons...
Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: email@example.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.