I felt as if I was in a trance. Time went by, but I don’t know how much. I just stood there. I could still perceive objects around me, but it seemed that they were far away. It was as if I was looking into realm I was in, but actually I was now in another. I began to see most beautiful garden filled with fruit trees, and magnificent flowers. The sun was so bright, but I could look into it. It didn’t hurt my eyes to gaze at it. My body started to feel warm, but it was a pleasant feeling. I felt as if I was floating, and I let myself go. The thought came to my mind that I was dying within six months, so I had nothing to lose by surrendering myself to this feeling.

I came to a lake that was color of sapphire. It was calm and serene, as I watched it flow of waves ripple before me. There was no one else here, not even an animal. It was only nature portraying itself to me. I sat down on grass that was as soft as cotton, and just watched water. As I did this thoughts came to my mind of my life. I saw how I treated my neighbor other day. It was not very hospitable of me. I saw that I had so much bitterness in my heart for things that happened in my life. I then saw my face in water for it had become transparent like a mirror. I could see this ugly scowl on my face, and thought to myself how grotesque I looked.

As I saw these things I began to experience great pain in my body. It was excruciating. I held my stomach as that was where most of pain seemed to be coming from. I thought of cancer in my body at that moment, and how it was ravishing my insides. Attacking every organ of my reproductive system, and there was nothing I could do about it. I could get treatments, chemotherapy, or even surgery, and hope that it would solve problem; but I had no means for any of them. Now I felt emotion of anger well up in me. I felt betrayed and abandoned by God. How could He allow this to happen to me? Didn’t He see all my good deeds that I have done? Does He not know that I am an active member in my community? This is not supposed to happen to people like me, but to those who are mean and never think to say a kind word to another person. That wasn’t me!

It was then for first time in my life I heard God speak to me. Don’t ask me how I know it was Him. I just knew that it was. He told me that what was occurring on inside of me was due to things I had been doing on outside. For years He had been calling me, pleading with me to come to Him, but I refused. Now I was alone, and there was no one I really trusted. He wanted me to trust Him. This was my only hope for restoration. He told me I had this type of cancer because it involved my reproductive system. This is how a child is brought forth, and when there is any malfunction in that area, it is impossible to conceive. He showed me how my bitter thoughts had gone unnoticed for so long. They had become a part of my being, and was now producing cancerous thoughts in my mind. I could no longer produce or even conceive positive thoughts about myself, let alone for someone else. This was reason for distrust.

He was more concerned with mental cancer that was ravishing my mind than He was about physical cancer. It was at that moment I broke down and cried. There were tears that I didn’t realize I had in me. It was like a dam opening up, a fountain overflowing, a pipe bursting. My insides began to quake, and I screamed at top of my lungs, “forgive me, God.”

Suddenly, there was a bright light, and then I passed out. When I came to, I felt a warm sensation in my belly. It felt as if there were hands inside my belly moving. It was as if someone was performing surgery on me right then and there. I then recognized that I was back in my living room lying on floor. Just then door opened and my kids came in. They came over and helped me up onto couch. They were concerned that I was lying on floor, and asked me what happened. I relayed as much as I could to them, but they only stared at me bewildering. I remembered last words I said to them before my family showed up at door. “I am healed of cancer!” I knew it with all my heart and being. When I let go of all those negative emotions that were eating away at me for 20 years, a miracle took place in my body.

That day a miraculous feat was performed in my consciousness that forever changed my way of thinking. It changed whole course of my life. It was another chance to be woman that I was destined to be. I am grateful for another chance at life and vowed that I would not waste one minute of it. It was confirmed by doctors that a miracle was truly performed in me. They too have to a greater reverence for unknown. May we all come to place of surrender, and know that joy of true reality of life is within us.

The word “Choices” itself gives us clues to components of good decision-making. I believe that good choices are ones that bring about more ability, more freedom for ourselves and others and ones that allow for continued growth in situation. Here is a way of looking at your daily choices and seeing how they are or are not contributing to this.

C: Creative A good choice calls on your creativity, your interest in finding solutions that may have been hidden. They actual feel good in your body because you can feel energy of your creativity being engaged. This in itself is satisfying.

H: Healthy Faced with a decision you can always look at what is healthiest route both for yourself, for those involved and perhaps even for future. Healthy native cultures often make decisions based on impact they may have for generations to come. We have lost that long-range vision and often make short-term decisions that are detrimental to entire situation further down road.

O: Open- Opportunities – Objective Does decision keep you open to possibilities? Does it bring in a larger field of opportunities? Are you able to make it in an objective as opposed to an emotionally reactive state?

I: Inspire Inspiration is usually outcome of a good decision. Even if solution is difficult or next steps hazardous you know that you are doing best thing possible in situation. Once more that in itself adds to your self-esteem and raises energy available in situation or system.

C: Connections Isolation of some sort is often by-product of questionable decisions. Whether that isolation is from others, our own selves or our talents and abilities. But when we maintain those basic connections we can more safely navigate new and unknown territory that some choices bring.

E: Empower At then end of day do your choices leave you feeling empowered – author of your own decisions or do you feel caught in a web of confusion. If later is true it is time to stand back and begin to take a larger view of issues at hand.

S: Soul Finally choices that both utilize your connection to your soul and serve to support that bond are those that will bear richest fruit.

Ask yourself – does this choice call on creativity – does it lead to healthy actions that support an open attitude and opportunities that lead to inspiration of some kind – empowering you and others to maintain soul- energy – heart and guidance available in each moment. Choices such as these create energy – not drain it- they feel good to us and at end of day we can rest easy knowing that regardless of outcome we have done best that we can.

We are authors of our lives and our business. Although we are each within a larger field of forces, history and pressures each of us has at our disposal creative wisdom, connection and creativity that help us navigate sometimes-chaotic landscape of each day.

“Feel truth of what you are and at same moment act. Risk yourself for what you know is right and true.” Fredrick Douglas, escaped slave from an Independence Day speech

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