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Don't expect defining moment to automatically generate that communion. Often, it simply marks a small step you're taking in that direction. But that step is very core of right beginning.
2. Identify needs of audience. This is absolutely crucial to using defining moment. The defining moment is all about human relationships, and you cannot have a rich relationship with someone unless and until you understand their needs.
3. Once you've chosen an audience and identified their needs, go back and select one of EXPERIENCES you wrote about.
At this point, don't try to connect that experience to what you are going to say to your audience. We'll make that connection later. Many speakers try prematurely to make connection. In doing so, they short-circuit power of defining moment. Hold off on making connection until we've gone through a few more steps.
4. Take each experience and identify physical facts that gave you emotion. In my father's case, it was his hand squeezing mine and his smile and gentle words, "... even I have opportunities."
5. Have experience be a solution to needs of your audience. That solution lies in lesson defining moment teaches.
Here is secret: The defining moment exists not for you to point out what you did, but for you to point out what audience can do. In other words, your defining moment must become their defining moment. If it doesn't become their defining moment, it doesn't work. Take, for example, my defining moment with my father. All leaders I've worked with need to get more results than they're presently getting. In fact, leader who is satisfied with results he or she is getting doesn't need my help. My methods are not for satisfied leader. To an audience that needs to get more results, I talk about opportunity, opportunity to get results. Results are limitless!
When I talk to audiences about such opportunities, I use that defining moment. I say, "What I'm about to tell you isn't so much about me as it is about you and unlimited opportunities to get results." That introduction is vital. It confirms that our interaction is about them and not about me. When my father's words resonate with their deepest needs, defining moment works. Otherwise, it's a waste of their time.
6. Speak to your audience about your defining moment. Make sure it holds a solution to their needs. Don't have your defining moment stick out awkwardly in your interaction. Have it be a spontaneous, seamless communication said in a natural, relaxed way.
As a leader, you do nothing more important than get results. And best way for you to get results is not to have people respond to your orders but to motivate them to be your ardent cause leaders. We never know how good we are as leaders unless we are motivating people to be better than they think they are. The defining moment goes a long way in helping make that motivation possible.
2005 © The Filson Leadership Group, Inc. All rights reserved.
The author of 23 books, Brent Filson's recent books are, THE LEADERSHIP TALK: THE GREATEST LEADERSHIP TOOL and 101 WAYS TO GIVE GREAT LEADERSHIP TALKS. He has been helping leaders of top companies worldwide get audacious results. Sign up for his free leadership e-zine and get a free white paper: "49 Ways To Turn Action Into Results," at www.actionleadership.com