Generally, people learn in two ways — through intellect and through experience. In our school system, former predominates, but it's latter that is most powerful in terms of inducing a deep sharing of emotions and ideas, because our experiences, which can be life's teachings, often lead us to profound awareness and purposeful action.

Look back at your schooling. Which do you remember most, your book learning or your experiences, your interactions with teachers and students? In most cases, people say their experiences made strongest impressions on them; they remembered them long after book knowledge had faded.

This is where defining moment comes in. Its function is simple: to provide a communion of experience with you and people you lead, so those people will be as motivated as you are to meet challenges you face.

The process of developing a defining moment is simple, too: put a particular experience of yours, a defining moment, into sharp focus, and then transmit that focused experience into hearts of audience so they feel experience as theirs. Out of that shared feeling they can be ardently motivated to take action for results. It's easy, and it's a game changer.

But if you don't get defining moment right, it can backfire. In fact, you could wind up having people motivated against you. So follow carefully as I show you precise steps in developing and transmitting defining moments.

Take first step in mastering defining moment. Review experiences from your past. Don't try to figure out how to use them or how they relate to developing and communicating a defining moment.

They needn't be wrenching, shattering experiences; everyday experiences will do. They don't need to have taken place recently; you might want to look back upon experiences from your youth. Finally, they don't need to have taken place in an organizational context. Look at every aspect of your life. Any of your experiences, at any time, anywhere, can make a good defining moment.

Make sure, however, that it is your experience (I'll say more about this in Part Two.) and be aware of difference between personal and private experiences. Usually, our personal experiences are those we can share with others, and our private experiences are those we want to keep to ourselves. The dividing line between personal and private is embarrassment. If you would in any way be embarrassed talking about experience with others — don't use it.

In Part Two, I will show you how to put together a defining moment to communicate.

Don't expect defining moment to automatically generate that communion. Often, it simply marks a small step you're taking in that direction. But that step is very core of right beginning.

2. Identify needs of audience. This is absolutely crucial to using defining moment. The defining moment is all about human relationships, and you cannot have a rich relationship with someone unless and until you understand their needs.

3. Once you've chosen an audience and identified their needs, go back and select one of EXPERIENCES you wrote about.

At this point, don't try to connect that experience to what you are going to say to your audience. We'll make that connection later. Many speakers try prematurely to make connection. In doing so, they short-circuit power of defining moment. Hold off on making connection until we've gone through a few more steps.

4. Take each experience and identify physical facts that gave you emotion. In my father's case, it was his hand squeezing mine and his smile and gentle words, "... even I have opportunities."

5. Have experience be a solution to needs of your audience. That solution lies in lesson defining moment teaches.

Here is secret: The defining moment exists not for you to point out what you did, but for you to point out what audience can do. In other words, your defining moment must become their defining moment. If it doesn't become their defining moment, it doesn't work. Take, for example, my defining moment with my father. All leaders I've worked with need to get more results than they're presently getting. In fact, leader who is satisfied with results he or she is getting doesn't need my help. My methods are not for satisfied leader. To an audience that needs to get more results, I talk about opportunity, opportunity to get results. Results are limitless!

When I talk to audiences about such opportunities, I use that defining moment. I say, "What I'm about to tell you isn't so much about me as it is about you and unlimited opportunities to get results." That introduction is vital. It confirms that our interaction is about them and not about me. When my father's words resonate with their deepest needs, defining moment works. Otherwise, it's a waste of their time.

6. Speak to your audience about your defining moment. Make sure it holds a solution to their needs. Don't have your defining moment stick out awkwardly in your interaction. Have it be a spontaneous, seamless communication said in a natural, relaxed way.

As a leader, you do nothing more important than get results. And best way for you to get results is not to have people respond to your orders but to motivate them to be your ardent cause leaders. We never know how good we are as leaders unless we are motivating people to be better than they think they are. The defining moment goes a long way in helping make that motivation possible.

2005 © The Filson Leadership Group, Inc. All rights reserved.